Overcome Stress with Proper Stress Management
If you read the first 2 parts of this series –“Everyday Stress and Sexual Dysfunction” and “3 Types of Stress that Hit Our Sex Lives,” then you know how and why stress is a leading cause of sexual dysfunction. That means to have good sex lives, we need to understand how stress impacts us and develop tools to manage it.
As I pointed out in an interview about masturbation just published in the UK’s Sun, understanding the brain and body chemistry of sex helps us to lead healthier, longer lives. Since having frequent sex means significantly reducing your risk of strokes, heart attacks, depression, hypertension, and sexual dysfunction, one may then infer that allowing your sexuality to go dormant raises your risk of these conditions significantly.
There are exceptions, of course, but most bodies perform far better with reliable outlets for sex and intimacy. And this means that you need to learn to manage stress or risk sexual dysfunction.
The Mind and The Body Are Not Separate Vessels
Our basic cultural assumptions are that a human being is made of disparate components. There’s the brain, which does all the thinking and deciding. And there’s the body, which feels good or bad depending entirely on factors separate from the brain.
That’s WRONG.
The body and mind are chemically connected. That’s why the body can hurt after verbal fights and melt-downs. Why it can ache when we feel fear or self-hatred, or when a voice in our head says we’re not good enough. The brain talks to the body: “Crap, there’s a lot of stress, so let’s feel too tired to move.” And it can work in a beneficial manner, like this happier scenario: “Ooh, you have a mating opportunity! Good job. Let me fill you with energy and love!”
Humans are the most complex organism on Planet Earth. Our health depends on our brains working in balance with our bodies to keep us alive. Stress disrupts that fragile, often flawed, balance, to the detriment of our whole being.
You can’t entirely vanquish life stress. It’s part of the human condition. You can learn to manage it, though! You owe it to yourself to learn how.
Start Your Stress Management Regime with 5 New Habits
Basic Self-Care
Daily Affirmations
This is an indispensable tool for overcoming old internalized scripts and building a fresh, affirmative outlook.
What kind of boost do you need today? “I can do anything I set my mind to” might be one. “I am stronger than anyone knows” is another. What would do you wish someone would say to you? “You’re great”, “You are loved.” Even, “I love you.” The more you repeat them, the more they root in your mind.
Repeat affirmations every morning and throughout the day. Whenever you need a boost. Do them in front of a mirror or silently in your head. Spend at least 5-10 minutes a day repeating them to yourself.
If it’s difficult to say these things to yourself, if you have trouble believing them, work with positive visualizations till you can see an image of yourself for whom these things could be true.
Positive Visualizations
Close your eyes. Now, imagine your best, most relaxed version of yourself. See yourself being calm and satisfied. Living in a state of higher peace. You are serene. As you watch yourself on your mind’s movie screen, relax your body, let your mouth smile. Mirror the image of a calmer you. Remind yourself that this is the person you will be soon if you keep practicing.
Schedule Downtime Every Day of Your Life
One of the keys to emotional stability and good health is knowing when to work or play hard and when to deliberately grant yourself some room to focus on emotional wellness.
Downtime can be anything you want it to be, from sitting still and closing your eyes to stretching your body or playing with a pet — as long as it is deliberate and scheduled. You can set a calendar reminder for 5-10 minutes in your day that is sacred to slowing down your mind and suspending reality. Maintaining a daily ritual that is purely about going to a place of peace within yourself helps your body to repair stress.
Sexual Self-Care
Integrative Exercise
To help you feel the connections between mind and body, and particularly between your sex organs and brain, take 5 minutes before bed or in a bath every day. Put your body at rest, take a deep breath, and beginning at your scalp, roll your fingers over your skin, gently kneading the skin as you go. Slowly move your hands down your body on the sides, gently massaging as you go. Then move your hands to your thighs, and come back up the body in front, from groin to throat, over the lips up to your forehead. Do this every day to awaken the nerves and brain consciousness and get everything connected. And you’ll feel pretty sweet too!
Napsturbation
My favorite Internet neologism! This routine combines self-pleasure and release with a short deep nap. If you are able to get privacy during the day, great — if not, wait until you are home and can take time for a nap.
Set an alarm for when you want to wake up. Using whatever method works best for you, bring yourself to climax. Then drop into that relaxation and sleep. You’re giving your brain a double-treat: the natural feel-good drugs of orgasm plus some rest to restore energy. Napsturbation is a power tool fueled by the joyful chemistry of orgasm and the reparative experience of sleep.
Stay Mighty and Keep the Mojo Flowing
Now that you’ve finished this series, I hope you understand the many ways in which stress can creep up on us and undermine our performance in bed. Using the 5 stress management tools I’ve given you, you can begin to make material, lasting changes. This is how we manage stress, and you can do it. You can overcome your own stress!
Banner photo credit @Godisable Jacob https://www.pexels.com/@godisable-jacob-226636
