Facts, fiction, fantasies, and myths — it’s hard to sort them out because misinformation often hits us faster than reliable facts online.
I’m not talking about politics — I’m talking about sex! Like, why does the Internet even have a “No Nut November”? Who thought that was a good idea, to force yourself not to orgasm for a month? Not anyone who understands the biology of sex and the role orgasm plays in human health!
So how many of these evidence-based facts do you know?
Masturbation is the most common sex act for humans
No, it won’t make you go blind or get warts. It also won’t hurt your athletic performance, make you unfit for marriage, or turn you into a sex addict. The old anti-masturbation myths have been replaced by new ones, but they all stem from the same place: shame.
The irony is that even if we didn’t have studies that proved it (which we do), we all secretly know that everyone masturbates in one form or another at one time or another in their lives.
Masturbation is the most common sex act people perform. The brain propels us more than our genitals to have orgasms. It is a fundamental building block of sexual development. It prepares youngsters to have better sex when they are old enough to have partnered sex. It soothes elders dealing with depression too.
Takeaway: Masturbation to orgasm is a powerful health care ritual.
Sex problems are usually psychological problems
Sexual dysfunction is often considered mysterious and enigmatic, especially when there’s no medical reason to explain it. That’s because the psychology of sex and sexual emotions are usually the source.
Men worry that their libido is too high and punish themselves for looking at porn or jerking off. Women worry they can’t please a partner or won’t be able to climax with them. Most sexual dysfunctions, from minor to major, are because of negative self-image, traumas, and inner conflicts.
Sex itself is not that complicated. Feelings are complicated.
Takeaway: See a trained sex therapist before you see an M.D. for sex problems. They may save you a fortune.
You’re never too old for sex
The studies are all in. These days, the hotbeds of depravity and swinging lifestyles are retirement communities and old age homes, including assisted living centers. Why? Because grayhairs don’t give a fuck.
They are making the most of their senior years.
Studies also show that old people who remain sexually active tend to live longer and have fewer health problems. One study showed that women in their 80s and 90s still benefit from orgasm. WHY? Because (see above, under masturbation) orgasm improves physical and mental health.
Orgasms make you feel good.
Takeaway: Have orgasms throughout your life. It has emotional benefits. It may even make you live longer.
You’re never too unattractive to be sexy
I love watching people put on fake eyebrows as much as the next Youtube viewer, ok? But I worry about people who seek beautification techniques for their outsides but never for their insides.
It may sound counterintuitive in a world that has commoditized beauty the way we have. In reality, though, you don’t fall in love with people because their waist is 2 inches narrower or their eyebrows are twice as bushy. That stuff is icing on the cake. The cake is who you are inside. How you treat people.
Looks fade, core values don’t. And core values don’t have an age.
Takeaway: It’s who you are and how you treat people that make you attractive.
You’re never too kinky to find true love
You may have 99 problems but kink isn’t one — unless you believe it is. When that happens, instead of finding self-respecting ways to direct your energies in safe and consensual ways, you may develop a nagging anxiety about sex that makes you feel desperate and make bad choices.
After 20+ years in private practice, a theme has definitely emerged: the more you believe you deserve respect regardless of fetish or kink, the more likely you are to find a loving partner for that fetish/kink. People who treat their fetish/kink as embarrassments, on the other hand, struggle their whole lives with secrets and shame.
Takeaway: Love your kinky self. It’s you and that’s OK.
We’re all funky monkeys
If you’re reading this, you’re probably human. If you’re a human, you’re a primate. Humans are remarkable for the size of their brain, but still share a primal blueprint with apes and bonobos. Like them, we’re sexually inquisitive, experimental, and creative. Like them, the normal gamut of our sexuality includes bisexuality, lesbianism, homosexuality, and transactional sex — and that’s just for starters.
There may be typical or common sex acts. Still, history shows us there were always large groups of people who did not conform to idealized supposed “norms” of how sex should be done. It’s no surprise that — as scientists study what real people do in their bedrooms and we move into an age where people are talking candidly — we’re learning to accept that the true norm is diversity.
Takeaway: There’s no one right way to have sex.
As a sex therapist, I’m not just pro-sex education: I believe every adult needs sexual re-education based on the science and realities of sex. Drop me a line if you need to talk about your sexual health.
All images used under Pixabay License
