Whether you are single, paired, throupled, or orgiastic by nature, there is always room in your repertoire for one more: I’m talking about YOU, YOURSELF. Owning your sexuality is the one sure way to amplify your pleasure, whether solo or with others. So I’m going to give you three delicious types of sex exercises you can use to amplify your ability to enjoy sexual pleasure!
Try these three exercises to create more pleasure — and better sex — in your life.
Three Sweet Types of Sex Exercises to Amplify Your Pleasure
You can try one or all three, depending on your level of solo expertise, your needs, and your desires. Even if you’re jaded, or perhaps especially if you’re jaded, these exercises will give you a lift. All you need is a willingness to experiment. You may find that you experience a mind/body integration you have not known before. Let’s find out!
Sex Exercise One: Know Thyself
I mean this in the corporeal sense. You may know a lot about yourself, but how much do you know about all the different ways your body can give you pleasure? Your body has lots of resources to provide pleasure. Some of these resources may be purely relaxing — like a neck or scalp rub. After all, relaxation is key to great sex. Some may be more erotic than you expected, which would be a win/win. And some ways may feel taboo to you, which is one of the points of these exercises. Whether you stay in your comfort zone or find yourself breaking new ground, these are all paths to amplifying your awareness of your body and mind’s hard-wired connections for erotic delight.
How To
Set aside 15-20 minutes minimum for this exercise.
Prepare
Start with a clean body so you feel comfortable touching yourself everywhere. Your feet, genitals, and rear end should all be clean. If shaving your pubic hair is new to you, try it! You just might love it.
Get into a comfy horizontal position on a comfortable and body-supporting surface (ideally your bed or a mat on the floor). Take three or four deep breaths and hold them in to oxygenate your body, and exhale each one deeply to relax your muscles. Spread your legs and your arms, so you are spread-eagle on the bed. Take another deep breath and focus your mind on one simple question: “How can I give myself new pleasures?
Get Handsy
Use your hands and fingers to wander all over your skin, head to toe. You can start with self-massage by rubbing your scalp and the back of your neck. Use your thumbs to press into any sore spots. Notice how a relaxing rub can send a wave of calmness down your body. Do you have any other places that could use a rub? Maybe an achy hip, a knee, your lower back, a foot, or your rib cage? Get your fingers on or close to the area that you know is tense and gently massage until it starts to relax. The warmth of your own hands and the gentle manipulation of your muscles should ease any stored tension.
Next, give yourself a gentler touch. Caress your skin, softly stimulating the underlying nerves and making them tingle. Now do that as far and wide across your body as you can comfortably reach. Cover every inch if you can, lightly stroking and teasing the skin until you feel it warming up. Use a gentle touch and be as tender to your body as you would be to a small cat or dog that you’re petting. Go from head to toes, from chest to thighs, from fingertips to soles, and don’t forget to caress your face and lips. Let all your visible skin feel the warmth and gentle rush of blood that will flow to each area you touch.
Complete
For the big final — and if you are now feeling alive in your skin, perhaps even aroused — go ahead and insert a finger (or a few of them) into your favorite orifices. Start with your mouth. Suck gently on your fingertips until they’re nice and wet. Then insert your fingers into the holes that you most enjoy. (Add lube if it helps.) Do not aim for an orgasm. Instead, try to be aware of how everything feels and how relaxing and beautiful it is to surrender to sensation. If you need a toy to help you reach spots, by all means, use one. If this full-body relaxation practice turns you on, feel free to follow the pleasure to orgasm.
Sex Exercise Two: Own Your Body
You were born to be unashamed of your body. If you’ve forgotten that, watch how babies love to explore their own bodies. To become social creatures we are taught that doing those things in front of others is shameful. Unfortunately, many of us also perceive that it’s equally shameful to touch certain parts of our bodies even when we are alone. Some of us think it’s shameful to do even with another consenting adult!
In shaming us for being the little hedonists we are as toddlers, many parents instill deep-rooted feelings of shame in us about our private parts. How deeply it impacts us varies from human to human, with few predictable outcomes.
There is nothing shameful about the human body. Regardless of size, age, shape, or ability, your body is your private playground for a full experience of eroticism. It’s time for you to take your body back from the grip of learned shame. Give yourself permission to explore every inch you can reach, inside and out.
How To
Set aside 5 to 15 minutes for this exercise.
Overcome the Block
What part of your body embarrasses you the most? Which is the area you are least likely to touch — or even acknowledge? Sexual shame isn’t the only driver here: social body standards make us ashamed of a chonky belly or saggy behind. Do you hate your flappy upper arms or flabby thighs? Let’s get over that block!
Target It
Go to that place now and start by giving it gentle rubs. If you’re uneasy about touching your genitalia, start there. If it is a non-sexual part of your party, start with that instead. Close your eyes, relax (deep breaths will help), and think about how the area itself feels just being touched. Keep breathing. Touch softly. If you prefer intense sensations, squeeze or pinch. Your brain knows that whatever part of your body you are working on it’s as legitimate and pleasure-capable as every other part of your body. Let the physical sensations prove to your brain that no matter what some fashion magazine editor may think, your body is valid, alive, and sexy!
Speak!
Talk to that spot. Seriously. When you put feelings into words, your brain enters a higher state of consciousness. Tell that part of your body how good it feels, how it is a part that is as full of nerve endings as the rest of you. Erase the invisible lines drawn by shame and taboo. Embrace the very thing that gets you down because you carry shame that you’re not perfect. (psst, no one is!) Learn to be fully comfortable with every inch of your beautiful self. Do not bemoan its size or shape, its muscle tone or lack thereof.
There are no flaws just features, no imperfections just natural diversity, no judgment just acceptance.
Sex Exercise Three: Meditate on Pleasure
When was the last time you thought, really thought, about the myriad of processes for pleasure that your body contains? If your answer is “never,” you really need to try this!
Most of us take the animalistic path towards pleasure. We do it by instinct, unquestioningly. But by bringing consciousness to pleasure, we can also build compassion and self-love as we unravel the mysteries of our physiology.
Letting your brain absorb the first two steps in this series of exercises will help you to implant them in your mind and replace old, useless feelings of shame. Open your mind so you can see yourself completely, not just as a meat sack with a computer in its skull, not as an organism that is separate from the brain, but as what your body is: a living, breathing extension of your brain. That’s right: everything in your body is connected in some way to your brain. More than that, it is also connected to a second “brain” in your gut.
To integrate the brain, the gut, and your body into one conscious system, you are going to spend a few minutes meditating on pleasure
How To
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes — or as long as you want if you’re enjoying this exercise.
Prepare
Get into the most comfortable position on your bed you can find. I recommend lying flat on your back (no pillows), hands near your hips facing up, and legs slightly parted. It’s okay if you drift off to sleep as long as you stay awake long enough to get a little mental work done.
Structure
Experience the calm of lying still. Breathe in and out regularly. Your mind needs something to focus on so focus on the experiences you’ve just had (in the first two exercises). This is a “no hands” experiment.
Follow a Stressless Plan
Without moving your body, begin to internally massage yourself by tensing and releasing all the big muscle groups in your body. You will be moving up your body, from toes to neck. After every stretch or tension, you will let that muscle group go limp and sink into the bed to rest.
Start with your feet — curl your toes, then stretch them out. Next, wiggle or rotate your feet and ankles. Tense your calves, then your knees, then your thighs. Keep breathing regularly. Don’t forget to let each muscle group go limp.
Now slowly work on your midsection. Tense your butt, then let it go. Tense your belly and diaphragm, and let them go. Then, tense your chest muscles and then relax. Squeeze your shoulders together, then let them fall back on the mattress. Gently turn your head side to side to stretch out your neck. Scrunch up your facial muscles and make funny faces. Then let go. Take a long, deep breath.
Meditate
If you’re still awake — or when you wake up from your pleasant little nap — it’s time to reflect on these exercises.
What were the high points for you during these exercises? Which area of your body gave you an unexpected thrill? Which touch felt best? How many new nerve endings did you stimulate?
Think about how much work your body did to achieve the state of erotic calm you may now feel. Your skin told your brain you were doing good things, that you were fully alive. Your relaxed muscles gave you a new sense of calm. And then? Then your brain released small doses of the “happy” chemicals of sex, like oxytocin and dopamine, to boost your mood, and now you’re feeling wonderful!
Thrive In Yourself Exactly As You Are
The human body is magical, mysterious, and filled with potential for pure joy. Make a practice of these sex exercises to tap into your potential and expand it. The more often you do them, the more enjoyable your body will become to you. And, when that happens, you will get another benefit: they will amplify your intimacy with others because you are, at last, so much more free in your body.
