Why are people so embarrassed about admitting they masturbate?
From religious leaders who condemn masturbation as sin and depravity to the “No-Nut November” crowd on the Internet who think there is virtue in not touching yourself, it’s no wonder people remain utterly misguided about the positive role that self-pleasure plays in human life.
It’s a sad state of affairs that while the science of sex has leapt ahead and repeatedly proven the value of frequent orgasms to human health, humans are still spreading lies about it.
Whether you believe in God or in science, one thing is certain: we are all naturally designed to need and to enjoy sexual activity. And, when partners aren’t available, the best way to have sexual activity is by having it with ourselves.
Masturbation is a Biological Need
The urge to touch oneself is not driven by depravity, as sex-negative people would have you believe. It is a natural urge that begins when we are babies and takes on different forms throughout our lives.
Human brains are programmed by nature to pay attention to sexual impulses and feelings. Sexual health is not merely about the genitals. Orgasms promote better health in all the other organs we are born with, along with our cardiovascular systems. This is a well-documented biological fact.
Like other normal biological processes, many of our sexual responses are processed subconsciously, so we are unaware they exist. A great example is how the brain pumps blood through all bodies while we sleep. We don’t even know it’s happening until we catch our brain in the act. If we wake up during that process, we may feel confused as to why we have an erection or feel so aroused. So relax: it’s your subconscious mind’s way of keeping you healthy!
How Masturbation Helps Every Stage of Human Development
The brain is on a mission to manage the complex collection of systems that comprise the body. Sexual development for most is fairly straightforward.
Masturbation is a building block of sexual formation in our teens
Your subconscious knows instinctively what’s sexually healthy for you, even if your conscious mind doesn’t. That is why we all come with “built-in” features, like the onset of sex hormones which prepare teens for adulthood. From growing pubic hair to growing breasts, hormones move us out of childhood and into adulthood, sometimes dramatically! One day we’re pre-pubescents who think kissing is gross, the next (or so it feels), we’re typing naughty words into search engines and touching ourselves.
Self-touch is usually the first step towards building a conscious sexuality: it helps us identify what feels good (and what doesn’t), provides relief from the overwhelming new rush of hormones coursing through our blood, and prepares us for the day when we will do the deed with a consenting partner.
In other words, masturbation is a natural part of development for most teens. It isn’t a random choice we make. It’s a natural impulse built into our biology.
Masturbation helps adults maintain a healthy body
Although social forces insist that sex is only natural when it is partnered sex in adulthood, science proves otherwise. Regular orgasms (3 times or more a week) are scientifically proven to improve emotional and physical health from our 20s into old age. The mix of brain chemicals released during orgasm lowers stress, improves mood, and improves the state of our skin, our lungs, our blood pressure, and most of the organs in our body.
Regular orgasms have been proven to lower your risk of strokes, heart attacks, reproductive cancers, and depression, among other health benefits.
Since thrice-weekly partnered sex is not always an option in adulthood, masturbation is an important ritual in maintaining a healthy body and mind. It supplements a partnered sex life and, indeed, can keep our health on an even keel during periods when we’re not having three or more orgasms with partners each week.
Further, our brains can signal us to keep on masturbating even when we do have plenty of partnered sex. There’s nothing depraved about it: some of us are simply designed to need more sex to keep our bodies satisfied. Those urges you get are your biology telling you that you’re a person who needs more.
In simple terms: there is no limit to how often an adult “should” masturbate. Frequent masturbation has never been scientifically shown to cause us any harm. The only harm comes from people stressing out about masturbation, and feeling deep shame or disgust. Sexual shame can build stress to a degree that DOES cause harm because we are forcing our bodies to fight against our biology. There’s nothing natural about that!
Masturbation helps seniors remain vital
At some point in old age, hormones finally die down. That doesn’t mean that our need for orgasms shuts off entirely. When I work with senior clients who say their libido has died, I know that what they mean is that lower levels of sex hormones reduce the urgency to have sex. They think they’re done with sex altogether. Why? Because they don’t feel the urgency.
So I educate them on the science of sexual aging. In a nutshell, if you want to remain vital and healthy, orgasm has to become a conscious choice you make. Your brain is still able and willing to continue bestowing the benefits of orgasm. And that means it continues to lower your risk of disease, anxiety, and depression.
Gerontologists who study sex have even tied orgasm in your elder years to longevity and more vitality for your entire body. So what’s a lonely senior to do, particularly if they no longer have opportunities for partnered sex? Solo sex, of course! As long as you derive pleasure, and ideally reach climax, it’s good for you.
Self Love is a True Love
Solo sex is not a sin. It is not an aberration. Nor is it shameful. It’s part of your biological design to assist your body and mind grow into a sexually healthy being and to maintain that health throughout life. Medical experts know this and an honest doctor will tell you that orgasms correlate to better health.
Now, wouldn’t it be nice if more doctors and researchers admitted that publicly? Wouldn’t it be even nicer if social media platforms didn’t censor that information and allow people to know that safe sex promotes human health?
Take it from a beloved acting legend who lived well into his 90s and wasn’t ashamed to admit the secret to his youthfulness.
Struggling with solo sex? Need to overcome shame about your habits? It’s one of my therapy specialties and I have a few openings right now. Email me at gloria@gloriabrame.com to ask about an appointment.
