“Omg, don’t do BDSM! It’s dangerous!” Sure grandma, thanks, we know. But did you know that plain old conventional sex can be fatal? Yes, people die from sex even without whips and chains. The BDSM/kink education system prepares people to be vigilant about playing safely by mitigating risk factors. But who teaches adults about the risks when it comes to intercourse and blow-jobs?
Since there’s so little sex ed out there, we’re going to talk about five common ways people die from sex. As it happens, around 0.6% of annually reported deaths are attributable to such tragedies. (To put it in simple numbers: In a city of 1 million, there are roughly 6,000 sex-caused deaths per year.) Meanwhile, most of us are completely unaware this risk even exists.
So here are the five top ways to die from sex, and what you can do to prevent the worst from happening.
Heart Attacks
The single most common cause of “dying in the saddle” is when the heart is overworked. This can cause myocardial infarction, or what we generally call a heart attack. The underlying cause may be an undiagnosed heart condition, but taking Viagra or cocaine before sex may also cause the heart to overload.
Until recently, it was assumed that going after coming was a middle-aged male phenomenon, likely because of age and gender bias. New research show that actually, all ages and genders are potentially susceptible. For example, one recent study showed that 35% of victims are women. And while men (mostly in their late 50s) remain at the highest risk, there is growing evidence that it happens to people under 35 too.
Finally, if you’ve had heart failure or cardiovascular disease, your risk rises, regardless of age or gender.
PREVENTION
Heart health means knowing if your heart is healthy enough to engage in intense exercise. It’s a shame that the intense ecstasy of orgasm can trigger a cardiac event but it is the most common type of sex-related death.
Make sure you get a doctor’s opinion on your heart health every year (or more if you experience symptoms). Don’t buy Viagra before talking to a legit M.D. in your own country — people buying pills from foreign countries that are prescribed by unknown doctors/pharmacists are playing with their lives. Do NOT do cocaine before sex! Get annual physicals to check your ticker and please don’t abuse coke or Viagra.
Urinary Tract Infections
Many women get a UTI at some point in their lives. This non-communicable disease shows up in young, sexually active women and elder, inactive women alike. Sadly, one tragic mistake in judgment can create a potentially fatal chain of events. If you remember actress Tanya Roberts, you may already know she died from a UTI.
A Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) is a bacterial infection that can cause pain, discomfort, lack of desire, and other unpleasant but treatable problems. Most UTIs can be cured. The problem is when the infection goes out of control.
Ways to get a UTI
Bacteria are clever little fuckers who find diabolical ways to get into our bloodstream. You can get a UTI from having “honeymoon sex” with bae because the frequency of sex is correlated with UTIs. You can get it by wiping your ass back to front or otherwise spreading germs from butt to pudenda. I hope you do know to never move anything from butt to vagina, right? Not cocks, not toys, not fingers – nada! Wash it, or change condoms, then move. Otherwise, you can go from vag to ass, but never the other way.
(Since we’re on the subject, g-strings that slide from ass to vag are also culprits)
In addition, dehydration raises your risk of getting a UTI, poor vaginal hygiene can bring it on, and so can manual stimulation with unwashed fingers or toys.
While extremely rare, women can die if they have penetrative sex during an episode of UTI. During penetrative sex, the bacteria may be “pushed” into the urethra. From there, it could spread into the bladder and the kidneys. At that point, you may go into sepsis, as occurred with Ms. Roberts.
PREVENTION
The enemy is bacteria. Keep it away from your pussy. Always wipe front to back, whether peeing or pooping. Stay hydrated to keep your urinary tract clear. See a doctor if you feel itchy, burning sensations in your vagina or suddenly have pain or discomfort during intercourse. Wash hands and toys before insertion. You can prevent UTIs with good sexual hygiene most of the time but not always because bacteria happens when you least expect it. If you are diagnosed with UTI, do not have penetrative sex until it is fully resolved.
Latex Allergy
It’s a fairly rare but well-documented problem. Someone has no idea they are allergic to latex until they have sex with someone who is wearing a latex condom. Then the rubber hits the road to hell!
In the Covid era, you may have worn latex gloves at some point. If you noticed your hands felt raw or rashy afterward, chances are that you are allergic to latex. Most of the time, your symptoms will be mild and temporary — you could sneeze, get a runny nose, or have teary eyes.
That said, latex condoms are a game-changer! When latex comes in contact with the mucus membranes of the vagina, you can go into anaphylactic shock. And, since the butt has mucus membranes, anything latex –toys, condoms, gloved hands — that penetrates the butt poses a similar risk. Racing to an ER for a shot of epinephrine to keep you alive is the only recourse.
PREVENTION
The safest way to find out if you’re allergic to latex is to see an allergist. A cheaper alternative is simply to switch from latex condoms to ANYTHING BUT latex. You can use lambskin condoms, insertable female condoms, or, my recommendation, Polyisoprene condoms. If you suspect you have this allergy, read more about treatment and prevention.
Sperm Allergy
Imagine you make beautiful love for the first time with a new partner — and it turns out that you are allergic to his sperm. It has happened. It has (fortunately, very rarely!) killed women.
Perhaps worse is being a man and being allergic to your own semen! That can happen. The medical term for it is “human seminal plasma hypersensitivity.” Like latex allergies, most of the time, you’ll feel like you had a bad allergy attack but will survive. Some people may get flu-like symptoms that can last for a week. The medical term for that is “post-orgasmic illness syndrome.” The worst-case scenario is when a person goes into anaphylaxis and can’t breathe. Again, getting a shot of epinephrine is a matter of life and death if that happens.
While sperm allergies may diminish over time between regular partners, this is one allergy you do not want to leave untreated. Even if your symptoms are mild, a semen allergy can harm male fertility and a woman’s chances of carrying a baby to term.
PREVENTION
There is no prevention. If you experience even mild symptoms, see your doctor. Condoms are your best strategy, even if you are monogamous. If you know you have this allergy and want to have babies, you will likely need medical assistance to ensure successful insemination and a healthy pregnancy.
ORGASMIC BRAIN BLOW: aneurysms and strokes
Did you ever have an orgasm so intense it feels like your brain was overwhelmed? Guess what? It can happen, not just in an “oh god yes!” way but in ways that cause your brain to overload and trigger headaches, migraines, and, at worst, brain bleeds.
Potentially fatal brain bleeds may spontaneously occur in young and old. I know it sounds like a fun way to go but NO. Let’s all safe-word out of that scene. You don’t want to be this 35-year-old woman who had a stroke from sex, or the guy who got a sex-related aneurysm.
You won’t know if you are susceptible to this most unfortunate and rare reaction until it happens. The good news is that you may have enough time from the onset of symptoms to get life-saving medical care. That’s because one of the first signs is a splitting headache, likely the worst headache of your life. Doctors call it a “thunderclap” headache because of its severity. You can read more about orgasm headaches in a piece I wrote several years ago.
To save you clicking time, here’s the bottom line: if you have a severe headache after a fantastic orgasm, and the headache doesn’t go away in a few minutes or a couple of hours, visit an M.D. asap. If you have a violent headache accompanied by nausea and/or a stiff neck, get to an ER!
PREVENTION
You know I’m not going to tell you to avoid orgasms! Even when they cause a passing headache, they are worth the temporary annoyance. BUT I want you to live, darling. So be aware that if you have a violent headache after orgasms, please see a doctor to find out what’s happening in your beautiful skull. Early detection can save your life.
Don’t die from sex
“Sex to die for” sounds hot. Actually dying — not recommended at all. If you die, you’ll miss out on all the better sex you could have had! Joking aside, only you can prevent a fatal health accident in bed. As we do in BDSM – be aware of the risk, manage it as best you can, and have fun!
