It’s a beautiful day at Moon’s Grove Press, because we just released our first BDSM book.
HOW TO FIND A DOMINANT is now available for sale on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and it is worth every kinky penny!
The author, Jude, is a long-time BDSM educator, lifestyle dominant, and a transman. He brings a wealth of knowledge and personal insights into his work. The book contains a treasury of information on BDSM culture, its real-life customs, the ups and downs of looking for a dominant, information about brunches and all the nitty-gritty details, including writing personals that can draw the dominant of your dreams. Jude is also a contributor to the BED Library.
Read on to hear what Jude said about his work in this interview I conducted with him.
GB: What drew you to tackle this specific topic? Is it aimed at a specific audience or would you consider this book helpful to all genders and/or orientations?
Initially, I wrote this book a few years earlier and it was specifically targeted to male submissives seeking female dominants. Without getting into a long story it’s easier to say that prior to my transitioning from Female to Male I got the chance to really experience what a lot of those types of communications (or attempts) were like. Over the years, however, I’ve found that the more we become immersed in the internet and its various social media outlets these issues are, for the most part, pretty universal. As such, I revised the book to be accessible and helpful to anyone of any gender identity or sexuality.
It’s an interesting story (I feel) on how the book really came to be as it stands now but long-story-short it developed out of witnessing how people try to find a dominant and then their common laments about not being able to succeed and it being the result of very common but also very easily fixable issues.
GB: Tell us a little about your journey as a kinky man. What have been some of the ups and downs, and what has motivated you to keep on your path?
I can recall being a young child playing with He-Man and always locking She-Ra up in the dungeons with the manacles (that were graciously provided by the toymakers). I remember seeing Tanya Roberts having whip marks on her back in The Beastmaster (1982) and feeling a “thrill” of sorts about it. As soon as I got online (in the mid-90s) I was lost and just wandering around cyberspace and happened upon a Gor-based chatroom. I got the books and enjoyed the concepts and let that be the foundation for learning more about kink in general. As I learned and grew I was more interested in the “mainstream” version of kink. One of my best teachers was a submissive I was with and through them, I learned so much about the world, the society of kinksters, and the proper way to play safely. Through the years I’ve continued to learn and move in and out of groups, attend events, and generally explore my own desires and interests to keep on learning. Sometimes I discover something I thought I’d love is really not that interesting to me and things I thought I’d abhor I soon found that I loved. As such, I try to never go into any fetish or kink with preconceived notions and just explore and have fun.
GB: You seem to have a special place in your heart from the problems subs face in finding someone who is honorable. What are some of the most common frustrations and/or disappointments submissives have expressed about their search for a good dom?
I really wanted this book to not be yet another dominant preaching how THEY want to be spoken to and why are all the messages we receive as dominants just terrible. I’ve found that there are some diamonds in the rough – submissives that just don’t know any better and can really benefit from a few helpful tips. As such, I wanted the book to be a method of explaining the most common issues that are faced when trying to start communication with someone online so they can course-correct. The more submissives that can learn and make better judgments the fewer people get disheartened with the lifestyle and leave it and the better chances we all have at making stronger connections.
The unfortunate reality is that the more digitally connected we are these days the less ability we have to really connect on a personal level. We’ve become very lazy as more methods become available to us but when you’re dealing with something as serious and personal as a kink-based dynamic neither side of the coin can really afford to be lazy when making such decisions. I don’t want to scare newbies off by saying things can be dangerous but the reality is that anything online these days can be dangerous but when you add the kink-element it takes things up a notch. Being aware of yourself and your engagements can go a long way to being safe and happy and finding others to engage within the same safe and happy ways.
GB: Your guide is really comprehensive! It’s a treasury of specialized knowledge about BDSM culture and customs too. What do you think subs can learn from reading your book? What can doms learn?
Thank you!!! My ultimate goal with the book is to point out the obvious. When we get excited about something (like trying to find a dominant) we can get tunnel vision and sometimes the ‘obvious’ isn’t easily seen anymore. By pointing out some of these things, though, I don’t want to just hand a sub an absolute “do this, don’t do that” type of guide but something that will make them sit back for a moment and say: “Huh, I didn’t think of this…” or “Wow, I didn’t realize that’s something to consider…” Essentially, I’m hoping to kick-start people’s brains to explore the ancillary factors in the lifestyle and with engaging people online as they all comingle in developing a D/s relationship.
As I mentioned before, my best teacher was a submissive. While some believe the only way to be dominant is to submit first and others believe that’s a load of blah… it’s never a bad thing to at least be open-minded enough to hear from submissives or trying to mentally place yourself in their shoes. As such, dominants are definitely recommended to read this book as well since it can shed some light on obstacles submissives have to overcome during this “seeking” phase and it might help them be more tolerant of those making an effort but just tripping up. We’ve all been newbies at something before in life, being a helping hand will only serve to benefit the community and ourselves in the long run.
GB: Other than providing a wonderful new BDSM educational guide, do you have any messages about kink you try to get across in the book?
The one thing that is the most common thread throughout the book is to don’t forget to think. We, as a society in general, forget that we have amazing self-instincts (you know, that “gut feeling”) and those are incredibly important to listen to when doing anything online. We also have gotten a bit complacent about our own responsibilities so I really try to hammer home using your own common sense to think things through and important things to consider along the way.
GB: Is there anything else you’d like to say about your work?
This isn’t the first incarnation of the book and likely won’t be the last. While I included some websites and apps as examples throughout the book I tried not to get too in-depth with such things because it could easily not be there tomorrow. Also, while I try to realize what submissives encounter while trying to reach out to dominants and such the reality is… I’m not submissive and don’t know 100% what it’s like. As such, I’m always happy and willing to listen to feedback from folks. This way any new editions will be more personal and even more helpful. My biggest rule in life is that learning and being able to take feedback and make it into a learning experience is one of the most important things a person can do and, as such, I’m always willing to hear from readers.
Get your copy of HOW TO FIND A DOMINANT or visit Jude Samson’s Book Page to learn more about his journey and his work.
He also consents to email. Write to him @ SirJude@gmail.com
