Did you ever notice that some people still look sexy at 60 or older, while others look distinctly unsexy by the time they’re in their 40s? How can those lucky people manage to be sexy at any age?
What’s their secret? Is it all in the genes? Are they taking pills or supplements? At the gym morning and night? Nope, none of the above. The power to be sexy at any age isn’t about pushing yourself hard but treating yourself with compassion and optimism.
Clinical experience shows me that the people most likely to remain sexually young at heart view good sex (however they may define it) as a natural part of their lives. They believe it isn’t just fun but a positive force in their well-being. They’ve overcome shame and feel at home in their bodies.
They accept and own their bodies by focusing on what they can do instead of worrying about what they can’t change. More than that, they put some effort into presenting as a sexy person, whether it’s with flattering clothes or flawless grooming.
Yep, it’s all about the attitude. To come across sexy, you have to feel sexy inside and out. You have to believe that you’re still sexually and emotionally alive. You know you’re hot because you are REAL. Centered. Self-aware. Self-compassionate. Empathetic. Fun! People like that will always draw admirers.
Here are seven habits you can develop at any age that will help you radiate positive sexuality.
Embrace Sex for Life
Humans are born sexual and may stay sexual to the last days of their lives. This doesn’t mean they will have the same kind of sex at 90 that they had at 20. It means that even as they age, they appreciate that they are living creatures with a bunch of awesome nerve endings in their groin that can continue to experience pleasure. Or as the Latins wisely said, “We must live as long as we are alive.” (Though they said it in Latin, of course.)
Sexy people embrace the belief that sex is a positive force in life. As long as you are alive, you can enjoy giving and receiving some form of erotic stimulation and pleasure. There is no limit on age when it comes to giving pleasure either. If you have functional fingers and tongue, congratulations, you have two of the best ways to get other people off! If you don’t, maybe there’s something else you can do, like hold a sex toy or say a lot of thrilling sexy things to your partner that will put them in a trance of pleasure. This is something most aging BDSMers know a lot about! We know the mind is the biggest sex organ in the body. And we are confident that as long as we can tune into our partners’ fantasies, we can keep them thirsty and pleasured.
Even when you can’t pound their holes, you can still pound their minds.
Think Beyond the Body
One of the earliest BDSM lessons I learned happened when I met a guy in a wheelchair at a club with his beautiful and much younger slave at his side. He was a bit of a celebrity in the club — someone who had been around the Scene for years and kept going to club events after age and illness put him in a chair. An elder next to me looked at him with awe and respect and whispered, “He controls her with his mind. Watch!” And, sure enough, a few quiet words between them, and the slave was blushing, deep in sub-space.
The idea that sex is uniquely about the performance of your genitals is an ancient myth, centered on the religious belief that sex is for procreation only. In reality, people should embrace their sexuality in the bodies they have. As usual, BDSMers tap into a radical awareness that you can be sexy as long as you feel that you are “sexy enough.” Sexy enough to attract a partner; sexy enough to enjoy intimacy; sexy enough to give someone intense pleasure because you know that your brain is your biggest sex organ.
Lower Your Stress
The leading cause of sexual dysfunction is not a medical condition, but a stress condition. Secondary to stress, is the depression and anxiety it brings. Unfortunately, most of the drugs we use to medicate stress (from pharmaceutical products to alcohol) can negatively impact our sexual performance.
A much healthier approach to stress management is to treat your body, and your sexual spirit, with kindness. Sure, there are certain rewards for doing regular cardio and keeping your muscles and bones strong through exercise. But soft exercises are even better for improving flexibility, core strength, and — bonus! — calmness within.
The best practice to keep your body strong and flexible includes yoga positions. Yoga is proven to help with arthritis, core strength, and flexibility. Best of all, you can modify positions according to what’s comfortable for you. Type “chair yoga” or “gentle yoga” into Google and start an easy, relaxing journey to a better you.
Finally, don’t forget that stress management also depends on basic habits:
— Get enough sleep ( 7 to 9 hours a night)
— Stay hydrated and NOURISH yourself. The best dose of vitamins and minerals you can get is when your diet is the source of ingredients you need to stay healthy.
— Move your body every day. If you can walk, walk. If you can bend, bend. If you can move your arms, do simple isometrics like raising them and flexing arms and hands. Same for legs. Just 10 minutes daily adds up to a healthier core.
— Take showers instead of baths. Wash your genitals with pure soaps (like glycerin) instead of perfumed ones to keep your organs chemical-free.
Don’t Dress Your Age
There is so much propaganda online about dressing appropriately for your age. The fashion industry wants you to believe that you can’t wear certain clothes as you get older. Sexy people pay them no mind. They don’t dress to cover up their insecurities. They dress to show off their best features. Avoid trends and don’t be afraid to show off your style.
Ladies of a certain age, throw out your mumus and grandma robes. Men of a certain age, don’t wear pants with waists that climb up to your nipples or shirts that amplify a puffy belly. Maybe you don’t give a damn what people think and want to be comfortable. Cool. There are plenty of comfy clothes that will flatter your body.
If you dress like a slob, that’s how people will treat you. Visuals matter. Instead, wear clothes (or make-up) that make you feel sexy, still in the game, and worthy of attention.
Sexual Health for Staying Sexy at Any Age
You’ve heard the cliche, “Use it or lose it.” It’s more than a cliche: it’s truth. While some of us have conditions that interfere with our sex drive and performance, many more of us just give up or keep waiting for that special someone to wake up our sexuality from the dead.
In simple terms: healthy genitals mean a healthier life! Your brain welcomes the benefits of cumming, from mood lifts to the regulation of numerous organs (think heart, lungs, skin, and brain!).
Even if you have withdrawn from partnered sex for good reasons, make solo sex a part of your life. Experiment with toys, new sensations, and new fantasies. It’s really about using your whole body to stay fit and not living in denial about the place between your legs. Your reproductive organs, inside and out, are VERY important to a healthy life and deserve the same level of commitment as your teeth! Keep flossing — but also keep cumming for goodness sake.
You can maintain your sexual fitness for life with pelvic floor exercises (or kegels, as they’re commonly called). Watch this all-gender 46-second routine that is popular on Youtube.
To understand the importance of Kegels, this viewer-friendly medical instructional video explains the anatomy and the benefits, with clear information on exercises you can do even in a chair.
Keep Your Sex Organs Clean
For your self-respect, and to show respect to partners, keep yourself clean from the pubic bone area to the top of your ass crack. (pro tip: get a bidet!) Treat the perineum (genitals to anus) with care and kindness. See a doctor about any suspicious warts, lumps, or bumps. Get rapid treatment for rashes, unusual pain, swelling, abrasions or bleeding, suspected STIs, UTIs, painful hemorrhoids, or yeast infections as soon as possible. Don’t let a problem that can be fixed early on blow up into a sex-killing health issue.
Lube Is A Sexual Health Ally
If you are young and juicy, lubes may seem unnecessary to the pursuit of pleasure. But every sex-loving adult can reap benefits by adding a good lubricant to their sex lives. And while you may be tempted to be frugal and use Jergen’s or Vaseline, almost all the cheap products are laden with chemicals never intended to go on or in genitals.
Shell out a little bit of money and switch to one of the great new products that were made specifically for the delicate members that coat genitals inside and out. Amazon has a list of the best-sellers worth consulting. They are safer, feel more natural, and produce better results.
Aesthetic Gynecologist, Dr. Mary Ojo-Carons, recently recommended Good Clean Love to me, and it’s my new fave! So far, the best lube I’ve tried — not greasy or heavy, no chemical smell, more like natural body juices. The aloe vera base is a winner! According to Amazon, the ingredients are Organic Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Agar, Lactic Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, & Natural Flavor.
Try Good Clean Love or another purpose-made (for sex) lube. All genders will benefit from juicing up their organs for both solo and partnered sex. Not only do they keep your genitals lubricated during sex, but they are also beneficial to keep the delicate skin down there well-moisturized. If you or a partner are experiencing genital dryness, lube is a must!
(Note: if you buy through the Amazon link above, I get a small percentage of sales.)
Live While You’re Alive
While others may give up, and allow their sexiness to fade with age, you don’t have to be one of them. Instead, follow my tips and stay sexy at any age. Live life to the fullest while you are alive.
