Even under normal circumstances, many of us often don’t feel we’ve had quite enough kinky fun. And then there were these past two years…
We’re not living in normal circumstances. Our social opportunities have dwindled dramatically — fewer parties, fewer clubs. Even if you have a partner, a lot of fresh stimulation and creative experimentation with new toys, people, ideas, have been steered by reading and Zooming instead of tactile experience.
But BDSM is all about tactile experience!
We long for the hot times, the release, the ecstasy. We miss the community. The opportunity to learn from others’ experiences.
We’re not going to let our spark die because things aren’t what we’d like them to be, are we? No. And that means doing everything we can to be true to our kinky urges, as we can when we can. Some kink is better than no kink!
Here are some ways to do that:
Tend to Your Roots
Pick the three or four books that meant the most to you early in your journey. The ones that made you think “that’s me!” or “that’s how I want to live.” Reread them at your own pace. Try to remember how you felt the first time you read the book. After you finish, ask yourself:
- “Does this book still feel powerful to me?”
- “Am I the same person I was when I first read this book?”
- “Did I absorb any of these lessons into my kink style?”
It’s good to remember where you came from in kink. In remembering your roots, you remind yourself of the soil where you grew. How have you grown?
Play with Yourself
If you haven’t been playing with your toys, why not? I did an experiment the other day, where I got some old toys out of a closet and played solo. An incredible orgasm was my reward! Thank you, fetish object of choice!
“Why don’t I do this more often?”, I asked myself. Oh — because I’m lazy, and I have a good imagination. Also a good vibrator. But the missing kink buzz often comes from a THING (or things) that instantly raise my level of lust several degrees.
Got a collar you haven’t worn in ages? Need to feel intense sensation in your butt or on your nipples? Don’t wait to be someone else’s eager partner. Partner with yourself. Get some gear and let your mind go wild as you give yourself the all-over yum of kinkiness.
Pro tip: don’t compare it to how it feels when a dream partner does it. Remind yourself how great it felt when you were a budding young perv and it was all you had. It can still be great.
For Partners
Ideally, being trapped at home with a partner sounds like a romantic Hallmark movie. Yeah, no. Even for the most active couples, this has been such a stressful period that some of us have not had time or energy to play. For poly people who are still renewing relationships disrupted by quarantine, falling back into the groove may take a little work.
If you aren’t already a flirty kinkster, a bit of pervy teasing can be a wonderful way to relight some fires and experience the raw intimacy of what it is we do.
Kinky Flirts
Make a way each day to honor your kinky spirit by flirting and laughing together. Do you hang mistletoe? Hang a little whip and meet underneath it for wicked fun.
If you’re the dom spirit with a willing sub, make every kiss kinky. Pull their hair, put your hand on their throat, jab your knee into their groin, push them up against a wall. Lots of options for turning up the kinky heat just a little when your lips meet.
If you’re the sub spirit with an indulgent dom, find ways to delight them with new rituals or shows of devotion. Kneel more. Show more skin when you’re alone with them. Remind them you know who’s in charge in little ways throughout the day.
If you have time for snuggling and hugging, then you have time to pinch (or get pinched), to grab hard until they’re breathless (or be grabbed), and other little power plays that bring on a buzz without committing to a formal session you may be too tired to start.
Keeping that fire burning is as important as building a fire in the first place.
Some Kink is Better Than No Kink
It’s a simple mantra: some kink is better than no kink. We thrive on our juicy desires. Nothing gives us quite that level of satisfaction. Right now, keeping yourself tuned in to your authentic self is more important than ever. So make time for kink.
I wish you all a blessed and blissful holiday season. Please take good care of yourself. I’ll expect to see you, full of new hopes and dreams, in the New Year.
xoxo, Gloria
P.S. Another way to rekindle the flames is through reading a kink-erotic novel to spark the imagination. While you’ve got some downtime, enjoy Amazon Hammer – a tale that draws from my experience and others to create an unforgettably REAL and moving journey in kink. Readers love it! So will you.
