What can kinky sexting do for your sex life?
It’s tough enough to keep the romance zesty during normal times. These days, stress is the new safeword, and we’re all scrambling to keep life sexy. However you’re living these times, I know it isn’t easy.
Some excellent sex advice has cropped up to help non-kinky folks cope. I recently talked about the benefits of sexting (read the article in the Bustle), and how it can make a difference in both the frequency and urge for intimacy.
But what about us? What can kinky people do to keep the pervy fires burning?
Kinky Sexting Throws Fuel on the Fire
With a bit of thought and practice, we can learn to love sexting nasty little threats and promises. We can build worlds with our words. We can become creative champions when it comes to lighting fires in each others’ minds through descriptions of kink. These mental and emotional games can lead to wonderful things.
We’ve heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder. That’s because when you’re unavailable, they tend to think about what they’re missing. Sexting allows you to guide those thoughts down specific trails of your choosing.
One of my Leather brothers described his recent experiences texting with potential partners —
“There is enthusiastic, clearly communicated mutual interest and concrete plans to spend substantial time with each other soon. The exciting, hopeful, romantic banter makes a huge difference.”
So true. Sexting allows us to feel the mental kink energies flowing both ways. We can experience hot times with them virtually in the here and now while dreaming together about future thrills.
If you’ve been itching for more excitement, more mental stimulation, new fantasies and revving up your partner, sexting should be part of your daily (or evening) ritual. You can get your freak on in safety — safewords and dungeon monitors not required.
Sext Advice from a Hypnotist
According to my friend Terance, a professional master and erotic hypnotist,
“In BDSM phone sex and erotic hypnosis, which I’ve built my career in, all I have are words. Here’s how to use them:
“Think in terms of VAK – visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. What that means is that you craft your texts so they can imagine seeing, hearing, or feeling what you want them to. A little bit of detail is all it takes.
“A lover of Mine would get My motor running with “imagine my asshole gaped and raw after you fuck it, and the way I whimper as you take my ass”‘. I’ll often get clients hot with something like “when you imagine feeling My big cock stretching your ass, slowly at first, then pounding inside you, I know you get so horny.
“Words like “imagine, pretend, what if, remember when, how will it feel when” followed by a description of something visual, auditory, or kinesthetic invite your reader to experience these things on a visceral level. A part of the brain feels as though these things are happening, and that can be used to trigger arousal.
“So if you invite them to “remember”, it can use memories of hot times to bring a person back to the state of mind they were in.
“You might say ‘I was arranging My rope and I remember how you looked when I had your arms tied to the bedposts. Can you remember what I did to you?’
“The trick is to get them to imagine something in VAK, that’ll bring them into that state, and that makes them get horny.”
Use the hypnotic VAK technique:
- Visual components – what are you wearing, holding; where are you? Describe toys, outfits, scenes
- Auditory – the sound of a flogger swinging, landing a paddle, a squeal, a giggle
- Kinesthetic – the feeling of cuffs on wrists, trembling anticipation, the pain of a cane striking
A Quick Guide to Kinky Sexting
One way to learn kinky sexting is to examine some approaches which work, see why they work, and use that knowledge to learn to craft your own. Since texting is an area where you can take your time deciding what to say – do that. As you put some time into developing the skill, you’ll get better at it.
Bonus: just working on solid sexts will get your own fire burning!
Here are a few ideas to explore. You can easily adapt them to your own purposes.
For Doms/Tops
For doms, less is usually more. Light a kinky fire in your sub’s mind and let their subbie imaginations do the rest. Sure, you can tell them what you expect of them and start ordering them around. But if you really want to wrap them around your finger, apply some twisted pressure to their minds:
Make them bare their souls. Don’t let them get away with short answers. Make them work for the privilege of sexting with you. Plant ideas in their heads that help them visualize what you might do in person.
Get them to confess their horny thirst for you. Inspire them to beg for it.
Tell me how much you need to be dominated by me.
Make them think about being in service to you:
How will you feel when I lock a heavy collar around your neck?
Make them describe, explicitly, how they will service you
Tell me 3 ways you’ll use your mouth to please me.
For Subs to Doms
Sometimes a sub might suffer from shyness. Hone your sexting skills so you can get the dom of your dreams revved up and ready to take you straight to happy town.
Let them know you are the eagerest beaver in the whole damn pack:
I’m so hungry for (dominant/sadistic/fetish) that my whole body is throbbing with lust.
Let them know it’s all about them and the effect they are having on you.
I can’t stop thinking of how hot you look in the photos you sent. I need to worship you.
Give as much as you get — let them know you crave to fulfill their fantasies as much as your own. Give the Dom *their* fantasy too, and not just an opportunity to fulfill yours.
It’s also acceptable to inspire them by revealing your fantasies.
When I’m naked before you, will you treat me as your sex toy?
Sext, VAK, and Swoon
Build a sexier life by mastering the art of kinky sexting! As much fun as it is to be spontaneous, if you want to feel the hotness sooner rather than later, spend a few minutes thinking through the words you want to say and how you’ll say them before sending.
Now you’ve got the tools. Go light someone’s fire!
