Hi, Gloria,
So… I am sure like yourself… when people know I am in the “lifestyle” I get all kinds of questions. Actually not unlike my job in health care.
Anyway, I remember you saying something about a blog with q and a? You mentioned we could post or pm. So here is the question…
Just wondering what the ethics are for fetishizing feminism.
At first glance, it seems to be against the rules. But at certain times rules are meant to be broken, right?
Asking for a friend.
Belle
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Hello, Belle,
Thanks for a unique question. No one’s ever asked me before, nor did I know there is a fetish for feminism rather than, say, a passion for it or finding it a turn-on.
I’ll start with
The first basic concept in fetishism: no one chooses their fetish. Their fetish chooses them.
Some of the clients I’ve worked with over the years had fetishes so rare I’ve never seen any mention of them on the Internet. Some fetishes are extremely specific too. One kind former client had his best orgasm watching a woman in a tight skirt and heels stomping on the brake pedal of a specific type of vintage car. Yet another sweet human worked on and off with me for years because his wife was absolutely opposed to his fetish for Amazon (body type) women, despite being a great vanilla wife and mom to their kids.
I’ve talked to people with similarly rare but Internet-known fetishes, like fetishes for sweaters, medical braces, etc. Again and again, people with fetishes have asked me, “Why am I this way? Can I stop being this way? If I can’t stop it, how can I get my wife to accept, even indulge my needs?”
Our brains make the fetish decision for us, without our consent. Perhaps it’s because our brains (for reasons scientists cannot yet explain) naturally seize onto random objects or people in search of meaning, sometimes assigning special meaning to what we see. It happens on an unconscious level. Some people attach spiritual importance to objects of fascination, others attach a financial value to them, and people like us attach sexual desires to them. So that’s one non-scientific way to describe it. Scientifically, there are likely genetic markers and brain structures that will help grow an understanding of the neurology and biology of desire. Maybe we’ll find that out one day. For now, we need to accept fetishes as innate aspects of human sexual identity.
fetish awakening process: the simplified version
Some of us have known since early adolescence that we had weird sexual desires, long before we had the language or understanding to identify as “fetishist.” I wrote about the 7 stages of fetish development, based on my personal and clinical experience with lifelong fetishism.
Not all fetishes start young. These days, I think people start recognizing their fetishes in their teens, thanks to online BDSM education. In my day, it might not happen until later in life if it happened at all. Though nobody wakes up one day and says, “Hey, I’m going to pick some sexual quirk that will make it really difficult to find an understanding partner!” some adult fetishists do wake up one day and say, “Wow! I really do have a fetish for XYZ!”
It’s when a hormonal adult becomes fully aware that something, or something about someone, or even a specific action, makes you super horny.
It could be something you always included in your thoughts without realizing it was key to your erotic happiness…
It could be something within you that becomes clear only when you see images of it or meet other people who share the fetish…
It could be something you didn’t even know existed or didn’t understand until this very moment when you are swept away by lust for it and can’t stop fantasizing about it
That “it” includes every possible garment from hat to shoes made of every conceivable material. It includes every possible body shape, size, weight and height, every skin and hair color, along with inanimate objects (sorry, the Berlin Wall is married), animate objects (i.e., vibes, electro toys), and types of people (firemen, for example, are fetish crack for some people, as are bikers, grannies and MILFs). It also includes “action fetishes,” like spanking and bondage.
So could something “fetishize” a feminist. Oh yes, absolutely. Is it unethical? No, definitely not.
The second basic concept in fetishism: if your fetish doesn’t harm anyone, it’s fine
Ethics are about how you treat others. You can have two people with an identical fetish and one person is unethical about it and another one is not. A few years ago, I gave an interview to a Philly paper about their so-called Swiss cheese pervert who was making creepy advances to women. I pointed out that, for all we know, people wank with cheese at home all the time. It’s private and they are sensible about it so we’ll never know. But once you use your fetish as an excuse to frighten or disgust others, and to make them feel unsafe, then it isn’t ABOUT the fetish, it’s about your lousy moral character and anti-social impulses to cause misery to others. That is where to draw the line. If your friend, the feminist fetishist, is a good human with the feminist, then it isn’t problematic.
As for the political correctness of this: political correctness and BDSM are a bad mix overall. We enact so many psychodramas that are off the conventional charts on every level. Isn’t that kind of the point? We get to do that in a safe space where no one judges and many orgasms may be enjoyed? I don’t think anyone should apologize for their sex fantasies UNLESS they act out harm against others. The line is so simple, really. Don’t cause misery!
I’ve always held that the BDSM space is an anarchistic space, where you can defy conventional wisdom and its conventions as long as you both are SSC or RACK. Passion and Consent is the only PC applicable to my play.
Please tell your friend that if they or someone they know is turned on specifically by feminists and gets even hotter when they talk or act in feministic ways during sex, and they wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone, they just are dying to get some of that hot feminist love (or discipline, if that’s their thing, which I rather hope it is, for admittedly personal reasons)…yes, a thousand times yes, it is very ethical to develop a fetish for women who blame the patriarchy.
You heard it here first. 😉
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Don’t forget to hone your reading fetish for your humble feminist blogger
