Hi Gloria,
I see you worked in BDSM field and do sexual psychology. I have a foot fetish but very interrelated with bare feet – removing all footwear. Here are my questions.
1. Have you come across this before a lot?
2. Do you agree that making the person being bound/ bondage bare feet, whilst the dominator has footwear, is an act of submission vulnerability – psychologically?
3. Do you think this derives from old past penance when bare feet were forced on victims to humiliate them?
Thank you, Jahan
Have you come across this before a lot? Yes, an awful lot. Foot fetishes are perhaps the single most common type of fetishism in the world — so common that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of fetishes that relate to feet, shoes, hosiery, legs, and all the way up the legs to the thighs. Because there are so many, we tend to consider all of them a “foot” fetish, even when the real object of affection is a style of shoe or a specific type of sock or stocking.
You can find a more comprehensive list in my book, Come Hither, and in-depth interviews with foot fetishists in Different Loving. I’ll summarize in brief here: “Foot Fetish” includes everything from athletic sneakers and Keds (people who specifically are aroused by that brand), sandals (with some people who prefer them with heels and those who prefer flat sandals), a wide range of shoe styles (flat shoes, platform shoes, female high-heels and stilettos, open-toed shoes, maryjane shoes, and so on). It also includes people who are turned on by stockings, socks (in different styles for male or female, ankle high or knee-high), garters, and all other garments that are worn between toe and upper thigh. Boot fetishes fall under this heading too, and tastes range from heavy leather work boots to supple thigh-high ones.
There is also huge variety in the acts people want to do with feet. Some people wish to be trampled by bare feet, others want to tickle feet, some enjoy foot-torture, there is a fetish for boot-blacking/polishing, but the majority of people seem mainly interested in worshipping feet or footwear in sensual ways only. In my experience, foot worship is extremely common among submissive men, if only as a symbolic gesture of admiration and respect.
The primary reason you do not hear much discussion of foot fetishism outside of kinky sites is because it remains one of the most private and closeted fetishes: most people are uncomfortable admitting they love feet to anyone outside of trusted circles, whether it’s a partner or other fetishists. Men worry women will think they are freaks and female fetishists are equally shy about admitting to this thoroughly misunderstand and harmless expression of desire. Why there is so much shame surrounding such an innocent and primarily sensual fetish could be the subject of an entire book. It is that complicated.
For a fascinating glimpse into the current state of foot fetishism in the US, read the interview with long-time foot/leg fetish doyenne, Dian Hanson in Different Loving Too, where she talks about the need for a revolution in social attitudes to show more love and acceptance for people with this fetish.
Who stands beside the foot or panty fetishist? Fetish seems comical, at best, and threatening at its most misunderstood. Most wives and girlfriends would still just rather the guy keep it in the closet. –Dian Hanson, p. 97, DL2
Do you agree that making the person being bound/ bondage bare feet, whilst the dominator has footwear, is an act of submission vulnerability – psychologically? It can be, absolutely. But it depends on the people. A fetish has the power to make people express the submissive or dominant within — but only if both people get something out of it. I’m not speaking simply of consent but a state of pleasure both parties feel during any fetish act. That is where the real power exchange lies.
In my practice, for example, I’ve met men with fetishes who try to push their partners into fetish scenes by buying them footwear or forcing them to act out kinky fantasies. With a partner who doesn’t “get” fetish or is hostile to it, pressure is useless. It will alienate the partner and may end up driving a fetishist into a lonely closet if their partner is disapproving.
Instead of a fantasy being fulfilled, it could turn into a nightmare for the fetishist if he/she thinks the partner is turned off, disgusted or critical. Mutuality is as important to a fetishist as to any other sexual adult: he or she usually needs to know the other person is having a good time and is accepting of, even delighted by, what they are doing together. If the other person emotionally responds to it with excitement, interest or pleasure, then chances are they will fulfill the dominant/submissive fantasy and enter the power exchange with you. But if that person has no innate interest for or acceptance of this fetish, then it becomes more like an act of non-consensual bullying than a rewarding fetish experience. I’ve met a lot of fetishists who live with their frustration rather than force a partner into it. The kiss of death is when someone mocks or demeans them for having their fetish.
So no matter what BDSM/kink/fetish fantasy you live out, if your partner is not on the same page as you (consenting, even eager, and pleasurably aroused by what you are doing), it stops being consensual dom/sub and may, in fact, be viewed as abusive by the partner. This could create significant rifts between yourself and someone you care about.
Obviously, if you do it without consent with a stranger, the penalty could be jail, no matter how “harmless” the fetish may seem to the fetishist him/herself. Consent is KEY.
Do you think this derives from old past penance when bare feet were forced on victims to humiliate them? No. It certainly might become part of a fantasy — the way a scene in a movie or a book can seize a fetishist’s imagination and become a hot fantasy – but it’s unlikely it actually caused the fetish itself.
You might be interested in a very good book on the subject of body shame, titled Shame and The Origins of Self Esteem by Mario Jacobi. The book explores how shame around various sex acts and shameful attitudes towards genitals have been among us since ancient times. You can find it on Google Books, and read up on how many different cultures have, throughout history, demonized various parts of the body as shameful, including feet. Perhaps in your culture, stepping with bare feet on someone was considered a profound insult and punishment. In other cultures, it was not.
Foot fetishism is a truly global phenomenon. That suggests to me that while shame, ancient punishments, and other cultural attitudes have driven unusual sex into closets and made people feel ashamed of parts of their bodies, the fetish impulse runs deeper than social customs, punishments, and cultural shaming. Fetish impulses are universals which we may, one day, discover are coded into human DNA. That’s my theory to account for why fetishism, BDSM, and other kinks are world-wide phenomena, regardless of culture.
