As a kinky woman, my thoughts about what makes something (or someone) perverted are not about the kind of mutually consensual sex adults enjoy. What’s really perverted are adults who believe there is only one “right” way to have sex. They never grew up! That’s an immature (not to mention uneducated and misinformed ) view of human sexuality. It is the direct opposite of the sexual intelligence we need to thrive in our romantic relationships.
Bad enough that we never had a proper education in sex in high school. We’re catapulted into adulthood unprepared for intimacy. And often, that’s where people stay: frozen in time, still remembering what another teen whispered to them or recalling the terrifying punishments their religious leaders warned them about. Most adults still carry a mishmash of rumors, myths, and cultural confusion in place of actual sexual intelligence.
Sex is in our genes. It’s in our brains. The less you understand your sexual self, the less you understand your full self. That’s because you can’t separate sex from the picture of who you are. It leads to bad marriages, broken intimacies, and desperate loneliness. It creates chronic sex problems, rocky relationships, shame, rage, and over-reactions.
Real Perversion
The real perversion in the world is letting adults rot in a dank stew of frustrations, sexual dysfunctions, guilt, and inhibitions. It’s the fact that adults don’t know enough to give and receive equal satisfaction. That they don’t know how protect themselves against preventable diseases. It’s the reality that some men really never do locate their wives’ clitoris, and that some women really never agree to oral sex. It’s the reality that most people are too embarrassed, traumatized, or conformist to question why adult sex — aka “the most natural thing in the world,” as some say — makes people so shy, awkward, and uncomfortable that they never discuss it.
They just do it. And not terribly well.
Two Monster Mythologies That Keep Folks Trapped
Myth #1: You’ll Figure It All Out When You Get Married
No, no, you won’t. Not unless you and your partner had already figured out that you were a good fit sexually and shared the same desires. That’s certainly not what I see in my office. Indeed, I don’t see it that much in real life either. Most of the time, people work something out that, over time, more or less fulfills their needs.
If you are unsure what you want, if you have barely experimented with your own body, what are the chances someone out there will read your mind and translate your needs into action? Many a predator has sold that ball of wax to naive victims. In truth, the only one who knows if something feels good and makes you tingle is YOU.
Your body is the barometer of your pleasure. It’s not an outsider who doesn’t know what it is like to live in your body and is projecting expectations onto you.
Myth #2: Experience Equals Understanding
Just because someone has been sexually active doesn’t mean they understand the emotional, psychological, or physical complexities of sexuality. You can have sex twice a day for a year and still not learn to be sexually intelligent. That’s because most people treat sex like they treat driving. They run on internal autopilot, take the same route every time, and show no curiosity about how or why the car works.
So what can create understanding? The key is being able to step back and ANALYZE yourself in a logical way. In Become A Sex Genius, you will learn the basics of how to correctly structure a mature and intentional sex life. You will begin to think about sex with a more critical eye — paying more attention to yourself, your partner(s), and the quality of your experiences together.
I applied my therapy techniques to develop comprehensive homework for you. Then my team made the book engagingly light-hearted. You’ll get an explanation of the purpose of each exercise, followed by thought-provoking questions to help you discover your own answers. It’s a new way for adults to learn, with pages of witty, humorous drawings to keep you going!
The Path Forward
Do you recognize yourself here? Are you stressed about your intimate relationships? Are you unhappily single and blaming it on sex? Or unhappily married and wondering what comes next? Or maybe you just feel like being a sex genius! That’s a good reason to buy the book, too!
It’s Never Too Late to be Sexually Intelligent
I’ve worked with people who made dramatic changes in their love lives, even in their late 70s. You might know some people like that yourself. It shows how much your brain craves connection, touch, and intimacy. Your neuroplasticity allows for it. Your brain is sex-positive by nature. It lights up with sex. And the smarter you get about sex, the more you’ll feel your brain come to life.
Sexual intelligence isn’t reserved for people who figured it out early. It’s available to anyone willing to do some critical thinking about their lives as sexual beings, and to reap all the benefits of their discoveries.
It means growing up to be the adult you SHOULD be, not the one who still feels conflicted, physically lonely, and heartbroken by relationships.
Get it now for just $10: Become a Sex Genius: An 8-Point Plan to Grow Your Sexual Intelligence
