Update February 28, 2026
We found 3 new data points this week, and I couldn’t wait to share them.
New research study from Feeld
Dating app Feeld commissioned Camille Sojit Pejcha to write its 2026 sex trend predictions. According to the research, there is “A rising trend of ‘female-led’ relationships and heterosexual or male-female couples experimenting with gender roles, along with increasing interest in other consensual, transactional erotic dynamics.” (Read the full article on Pejcha’s Substack.)
Pejcha also wrote this morsel: “Maybe it’s just my [Tik-Tok –ed.] For You Page (telling!) but recently, I’ve been seeing a shift from women seeking a ‘high value man’ and ‘provider archetype’ to those craving a service sub, or simply a golden retriever boyfriend willing to give them the world.” LINK
Female-Led Relationship Dating App
Another intriguing newsbyte: CHYRPE is a new app that was developed for people interested in FLR (female-led relationships). Seems that the FemDomme flavored market is looking robust to investors.
Finally, We Have Cool Data
Apparently, what TikTok calls a ‘breakout trend’ has been documented in peer-reviewed research since 2015. What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy, a Canadian research study of 1,517 participants found that,
- 53% of men fantasized about being dominated sexually
- 65% of women fantasized about being dominated (only 8 percentage point difference)
- 60% of men fantasized about dominating someone
- 47% of women fantasized about dominating someone
Original:
As long as I’ve been in this world, there have always been at LEAST as many male subs as female subs. So why are submissive men understudied?
When you scan the literature, you might think that male subs are a small minority of BDSM. Research consistently reports that up to 75% of women in BDSM identify as submissive, while men “tend to be more dominant.”
But if you look at both the BDSM communities and the Internet reality, you’ll see a very different story.
Professional Dommes Are Flourishing
It seems that when talking to researchers, men are saying, “I’m dominant.” But when they have a credit card in hand, they mainly use it on prodom sites and sites with massive male-sub content.
The economics don’t lie. Dominatrixes, on the whole, are in high demand despite charging more than $200 per hour for their services. The majority of their clients are men. They can easily make a living (although they are subject to economic cycle fluctuations, like all service-oriented businesses). Browsing the Internet, you will find femdoms and findoms (who may or may not be actual dominants) boasting of how much they make off men. There are scores of sites where men can talk to or stream with femdoms.
The Modern Male Sub
Male sexual submission to women is not a modern phenomenon. From the secret flagellation cults of ancient Rome to the rise of professional dungeons in 1840s London, England, the male demand for flagellation is well-documented throughout human history.
With the advent of the Internet came new and sneaky ways for men to get their fill of Female Dominance without the risk of getting caught! This is both a blessing and a curse: on one hand, yay, they can find stuff that can give them the most intense pleasure of their lives; BUT uh oh, the intensity may be better than what they get in real life, and next thing you know, they are compulsively chasing that dopamine.
All The Places Today’s Sub Guys Stray
Foot-worship communities are overwhelmingly male subs seeking female Dommes.
Forced feminization and sissy content have massive male audiences consuming custom videos, buying specialized content, and paying for private communities.
Pegging content has exploded in the past decade. Hetero men have become open about enjoying pegging, something that was unthinkable 20 years ago. Today’s market for strap-on toys and content is aimed at heterosexual couples.
Cuckolding is the second most searched heterosexual porn category on the internet, with 1.75 million monthly searches for variations of “cuckold” on Pornhub alone.
Giantess fetishes have evolved from being barely known in the early 1990s to the steady production of custom videos for tens of thousands of men who enjoy this fantasy. (Read Different Loving for the chapter about it!) Can you even get more submissive than, “I want to be so small you could step on me and squash me into oblivion”?
Where Kink and Vanilla Intersect
Chastity devices for men (aka cock cages) are a thriving industry in the 21st century. CB-X, the industry leader in male chastity, reports that they’ve “watched this journey play out thousands of times” as men buy devices, become comfortable, and then size down to smaller, more restrictive cages. Mmm, sure, why not add a dash of masochism to your pleasures? Amazon’s bestseller list for chastity devices features more than 100 products, many with hundreds of reviews.
Some men claim that it was their wives’ idea, for spiritual and moral reasons. Still, men locked in penis cages and giving the key to someone else is about as controlled and sexually submissive as it gets. Just ask any happy BDSMer with a chastity fetish how it feels!
Add to this all the lesser-known fetishes, like small penis humiliation (SPH), ballbusting and cock and ball torture (CBT), bootlicking….. Where does it end? It doesn’t. Or, as Rule 34 of the Internet states: “If it exists, there is porn of it.”
Why Don’t Researchers Study Male Subs?
Perhaps it’s as simple as men refusing to acknowledge their submission to researchers due to stigma. Researchers may not find enough proudly sub-identified men to conduct a robust study. Sub men may not trust how they’ll use the research. Or maybe when researchers ask at events, ‘Men who identify as sub, raise your hands,’ only a fraction do.
Of course, that doesn’t stop male subs from sneaking around to view it and joining a range of submissive male communities anonymously. We know men are spending on BDSM/fetish porn, professional femdoms, chastity devices, adult toys, and thousands of other businesses that cater to submissive men’s interests
Will Men Ever Come Out of the Sub Closet?
If it isn’t obvious, the large disparity between male and female subs is not due to differences in population size. It’s about the torturous shame that haunts many male subs.
Yes, you could blame the patriarchy for instilling the belief that men are supposed to swagger and project dominance. That heightens male subs’ anxiety that coming out makes them an instant target for bullies. At work, they fear being viewed as losers, softies, weaklings.
Often, they build a case against themselves. “Women will never want me. Women want strong, powerful men.” Finding a wife becomes impossible in their imagination. When and if they do marry, most keep their authentic sexuality to themselves or visit professionals for acts they would not dare ask their wives to perform.
Shame is the Enemy of Authenticity
I haven’t seen the same degree of rampant shame in gay men that I’ve witnessed in therapy from hetero and bi clients over the past 30+ years.
Until we recognize that gender equality means all genders may choose kinky roles without shame, we’re trapped by vanilla logic. Gender equality means that just as women can be powerful dominants, men are allowed to be sweet, cuddly submissives. I don’t think we can call ourselves an ethical Community until we evolve to accept that all subs, regardless of gender, are VALID, LEGITIMATE, DESIRABLE, and NORMAL.
Photo credit: Taha Sas @Unsplash
Coming up: This is a 3-part series. Part 2 explores female submissive archetypes using existing research. Part 3 tackles male submissive archetypes based on my 30+ years of clinical work. This will be more experience-based than research-based since researchers have not yet extensively studied male submission and masochism, much less what drives their needs!
Don’t forget to DL your free copy of Female Submissives in BDSM: A Scholarly Bibliography – 19 peer-reviewed studies, yours to keep, download the PDF.
