Picking the right sex therapist can be challenging. There are so many choices of therapists online that it’s confusing. Google may give you their credentials, but what about important factors, like their attitudes, personality, and commitment to resolving your issues? To pick the one who is right for YOU, you need to ask them the right questions.
After all, picking the right person to work with will impact your success. Academic credentials alone don’t tell the whole story. The therapist’s attitude can be a deal-breaker. If you don’t feel a personal connection with them, or respect their qualifications, you won’t be able to trust them. Without trust, a course of therapy may fail. Why? Because you didn’t bond with them enough to create the therapeutic alliance, to trust them with your secrets — or to follow their advice.
Why See a Sex Therapist?
If you are struggling with any aspect of sex or intimate relationships, a sex therapist should be your first choice. People often choose a psychologist because they think they are best trained for all emotional issues. However, a psychologist is only able to help you with sex when they have been trained in the subject. Sex therapists and sexologists are specifically trained to answer all sex-related questions. Clients I’ve worked with frequently come to me either after seeing a psychologist or while they are still seeing one. The reason: they feel comfortable discussing mental health and childhood issues, but when it comes to sex, they feel awkward or unable to discuss intimate details about their bodies with psychologists. This is particularly true of LGBTQ+ and kinky/poly people. Indeed, some clients came to me because their regular psychologist advised they find someone more familiar with their lifestyle(s).
Sex therapy, for the most part, is a short-term treatment aimed at resolving your sex-related issues. Whether you grapple with sexual performance (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and vaginismus are the most common) or underlying emotional issues that impair performance (sexual trauma, shame-based inhibitions, and compulsive sexual behaviors), a good sex therapist can help you to overcome. Unlike psychologists, who may take years to resolve issues, a sex therapist combines cognitive behavioral therapy with talk therapy and can begin to create change right away. Most clients will also get homework to push through the negative behaviors and emotions that prevent a good sex life.
If you believe you’re a candidate for sex therapy, here are 8 must-ask questions to pick the right therapist for you.
7 Questions You Must Ask A Sex Therapist
What are their credentials? College and graduate schools aren’t a good measure of whether a therapist can help you plow through the complexities of sex and relations. But a good sex therapist does need the most important credential: professional certification as a sexologist from a professional sexology organization. If you see that certificate on their wall, you’ll know that they have studied and trained to be sex therapists or professional sexologists. Most sexologists have college or graduate school degrees before receiving specialized training in sexology.
What are their specialties? Most sex therapists focus on a few specific areas. For example, some may primarily see couples. Others may primarily see kink/LGBTQ clients. Some focus on male sexual function; others focus on female sexual function. It may also be important to you that the therapist shares your gender or sexual preferences, LGBTQ or BDSM status, age group, ethnicity or religious background! You have a right to pick someone who resonates with you and speaks your cultural/social language.
What is Their Therapy Approach? Ask them to describe the type of therapy they offer. For example, it could be talk therapy only or Cognitive Behavioral. Maybe it’s Existential, Culturally Sensitive, or a dozen other categories. If you don’t understand what those things mean, ask them. Find out if their approach aligns well with you before you book.
What is their treatment plan for you? This is your opportunity to dig deeper into their qualifications for helping you. Ask them what their treatment plan will look like. Listen carefully. If you are, for example, looking to work on shame about fetishes, make sure they know what they’re talking about when they talk about how they plan to help you. If they say, “Hmm, never heard of that,” move on. And if they react negatively to the question, they probably lack experience in that area. Anyone who is familiar with your problems has likely done solid work in the subject.
Attitude: Do you prefer aggressive approaches that push you hard to reach down into yourself? Or do you prefer someone easy-going and gentle? A free, no-strings consultation will give you a taste of their attitude and personality. If you feel ill at ease with them, move on!
Trust issues. This question is one you must ask yourself. “Do I trust this person enough to reveal my truth to them?”
How does the therapist react to your questions or concerns? Do they remain friendly and calm no matter what you tell them? Does it seem as though they’re nonjudgmental? How about caring? Can you see yourself spilling the beans to them and feeling good about it after? If you can answer yes to those questions, that person is someone who should shoot to the top of your list
Do they offer a free consultation or discovery call? Some therapists grant free initial introductions. They won’t use that time to fix your issues or start working with you on them. That happens at your first paid appointment. The free consult is to answer your questions, learn your reasons for seeing them, and to see whether you both vibe together.
Picking the Right Sex Therapist for You Means The Results You Want
Picking the right sex therapist for your needs is the difference between a successful counseling experience and a frustrating, even depressing one.
Remember that picking the right therapist means doing your research! It’s about choosing someone you trust to provide caring guidance. Someone who understands where you’re coming from and who’s motivated to see you heal.
I hope these 7 must-ask questions help you pick someone who can help you get the results you want.
image credit: Sophieja23@Pixabay
