Do you need to lower your stress?
Many of my clients are asking for stress management tools before we even get started on the sex/relationship issues. And that’s a good idea, because stress makes everything harder, and lowering it makes everything easier.
Including resolving sex/relationship issues.
Stress: It’s All In Your Head
When people say, “It’s all in your head,” they’re right, but for the wrong reason. They’re implying that you’re faking a problem or creating drama. It is in your head, but not that way.
What they fail to understand, is that what happens in your head impacts your body. When your mind is experiencing stress, it can make your body ache, your stomach churn, and your sleep patterns become disrupted. It can also trigger disorders and disease.
Did I mention sexual dysfunctions, and inflammation, as reported by The National Library of Medicine? That too.
Mindfulness is Your Key to Taking Control
Stress is all but unavoidable. So the question is – “What are you going to do about it?”
Mindfulness is a discipline that rewards you with new-found peace. It may be a challenge at first to develop that discipline, but the payoff is beautiful: a calmer, more satisfied you. Another way to look at mindfulness is as a power tool that releases negativity and leaves you with a positive outlook.
Mindful Minds Are The Healthiest
Follow this guide for five days in a row. You may repeat one exercise for five days or you can try a different one (or more) each day. Most of these exercises take less than 15 minutes. Once you get into the habit, they could take as little as 5 to 10 minutes.
Stress-relief exercises are healthy for all ages and ability levels. Some of them only require using your mind. All of them relieve stress and can help you build a more philosophical and happier outlook.
5 Mindfulness Exercises
Breathing Exercises
BEST FOR: anxiety and stress reduction
Standard Breathing Exercise
- Sit somewhere comfortable with back support. Lean your head back and open your arms wide. This opens your chest cavity and aids in breathing. Close your eyes. Take the deepest breath you can, inhaling through your nose. Hold the air in and silently count 10-20 seconds before letting it out. Exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this exercise 10 times.
Easy Breathing
- Get into a comfortable position. Inhale as much air as possible through your nostrils. Hold it in and silently count for 5-10 seconds before letting it out. Repeat 5-10 times.
Extra tip for breathing: when you inhale imagine that you are forcing the stress to compact inside your body. When you exhale, imagine you just vacuumed the stress and are now blowing it out.
Body/Mind Scan
BEST FOR: self-awareness and stress reduction
Sit someplace comfortable, close your eyes, and breathe deeply in and out throughout the scan. Focus your attention on your body. Start with your scalp. Is it tight? Next move to your neck, then to your shoulders.
Don’t dwell on any tightness, just notice the information and keep going.
Mentally scan your chest, your hips, your legs, and your feet, monitoring for discomfort, tightness, or pressure and observing your emotional reactions. Give your emotions names to help you process them.
At the end of the scan, spend a few quiet and calm minutes processing what you learned about your full body. This exercise raises your overall awareness of yourself. The result should be a calmer, more balanced connection between your mind and body.
Self-Compassion Exercise
BEST FOR: overcoming trauma, rebuilding self-esteem, and stress reduction.
Take 15 minutes to be your own best friend, the person who always sees the good inside you. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Murmur kind words and focus on your virtues. Boost your mood by mentally listing good deeds you’ve done. Remind yourself that your true feelings matter, not just to you but to the people who love you.
Stay Present
BEST FOR: fighting old demons and focusing on calmness.
Turn off and tune into yourself! Your goal is to focus attention on the here and now. You can do this anywhere at any time as long as you have some time to yourself without distractions. Look out a window or sit outdoors to stare at the sky, a street, a squirrel, or anything else that catches your eye. If you’re stuck in bed, stare at something near you that you don’t ordinarily pay much attention to.
Now, direct all your mental energy to what you are looking at in the here and now. Find something new or different about it, and explore it slowly with your eyes. Try to describe it to yourself in silence. Consciously block out negative thoughts, feelings, and memories. The past does not exist in this space: only the things you are seeing. Do this for a minimum of 15 minutes and take a few deep breaths when you’re done.
Do Your Thing
BEST FOR: general relaxation
Do you like to sing or listen to music? Perhaps reading a book makes you happy. Or maybe it’s looking at photos you love. Only you know what your thing is (and, by the way, stroking yourself is definitely a thing!).
Pick one thing that makes you feel happy, content, or at peace. Shut out all distractions, turn off notifications, and gift yourself 15 minutes of pure comfort. Disconnect from the world and focus on what you’re doing. It is a mild but still effective way to honor your own needs. You’ll learn how to shift gears away from stress into a private world of satisfaction. It will teach you that even during a bad day, those 15 minutes can lower your blood pressure and give you renewed energy to embrace life.
Final Inventory
We all have stress. What you do about it will determine whether it’s something you control or just let it happen to you.
To lower your stress level, do the exercises five days in a row. You can journal to keep track of your progress. If you need motivation, notice the difference in how you feel after completing each exercise and feel gratitude for yourself, for taking care of yourself.
The better you get at your chosen exercise(s), the more you’ll find a calming space to escape stress. Keep it going for weeks, and stress management will feel like a second skin, bringing you comfort and inner peace.
photo credit: PAN XIAOZHEN at UnSplash