The command was simple but all that was required. "The dungeon is waiting for you boy. Go make yourself ready."

The boy stood naked in the dungeon doorway, pausing briefly to absorb the atmosphere that lay before him. The room was calming, inviting. he felt the welcoming warmth of the soft lighting accentuated by the glow of flickering candles. The strains of ancient chants floated around him, embracing him in a sweet enchantment.

Walking to the center of the room, the boy picked up the wrist and ankle restraints his Master had placed there for him along with a blindfold. Slowly, carefully, he attached the restraints. his breath getting deeper, more rhythmic as each were buckled. He let his eyes roam for one last feast of all that surrounded him. Then, after a last lingering look at the cross that stood before him, he drew a deep breath, dropped to a kneeling position, closed his eyes and strapped the blindfold in place. The journey had begun.

Every nerve, every cell in the boy's body began tingling with excitement. His mind raced in anticipation, filled with thoughts of what his Master might have planned. He could feel the rush of adrenaline beginning to pulse through his veins and the intoxication of the endorphin high slowly engulfing him. And in that quiet moment, with the sounds of the chants in his ears the only external stimulus, he could sense the energy radiating from the room joining with his own, filling him with power. A slight but distinctive movement in the air told him that his dark angel was there, watching over him, protecting him, guiding him. Though naked and vulnerable, the boy felt no fear. Just a calming peace.

It may have been five minutes or five hours. The boy had lost all sense of time: time was of no concern to him now. He did not hear his Master enter the room but could feel Him approaching. The excitement was exploding within him as his Master lifted him up, guided him towards the cross and turned him so that, when tied, it would be his front that would be exposed for his Master's use and pleasure. In this most vulnerable of positions it took only a mere touch of the rope on his skin to cause the boy to get an instant, raging erection. Master was more than pleased.

It's no secret. Males prize their cock and balls. After all, they define our "manhood". So valuable are they to us that we refer to them as our "family jewels". To show them how special they are, we give them pet names and develop personalities for them. It's almost as if they were living creatures themselves, attached to our bodies but with a life all their own, which they may actually have as we all know that they have their own brain.

Our infatuation with them begins at a very early age, basically from the time when we first learn to "go potty". Of course our love affair begins the first time we discover that it has a second function. One pubescent orgasm and we're hooked for life. After that, we develop an ever-increasing respect for those lovely, sensual, wonderfully pleasurable appendages.

We also learn, again usually at an early age, that they can also be the source of some of the most excruciating pain known. And it doesn't take much of a hit to cause that pain either. We become pretty damn protective of those overly sensitive little guys once we have felt how much they dislike being banged around.

With that great mixture of being able to provide the most incredible physical pleasure as well as the most intense physical pain, it's no wonder they become a prime target in the dungeon. It's also why, for many male submissives, including me, being put in a position where they are fully exposed, and you can't protect them, becomes one of the most--if not the most--favorite aspects of submission. It's an overwhelming sense of vulnerability. The well-being of the most delicate, most precious pieces of flesh our body has to offer is no longer under our control. Instead, they are now left open to whatever form of manipulation and torture our Dominant has planned for them.

The feeling of extreme vulnerability. For me at least, that is what makes being a submissive in SM play so exciting. It's a turn on mentally as well as physically. It doesn't require much to produce that feeling either. The mere act of being naked, and knowing the reason for being naked is to provide Sir full access to any part of me, whenever He desires, is enough. He doesn't even have to be physically present. It's still a reminder that i belong to Him and of the pleasure that comes in serving Him, pleasing Him as best i can. A reminder that i have chosen, freely and willingly, to always be available, ready to provide Him with what He wants when He wants it.

But the best part is having my Master take advantage of that vulnerability. Being restrained spread eagle while He tugs, pulls, or does whatever else He wants to my fully and easily accessible cock and balls, has the greatest effect in helping me maintain my submissive headspace on a 24/7 basis. More so than any other aspect of submission. More so than any other type of SM play or any other type of service i may perform. Maybe because it provides both the satisfaction of serving and the pleasure of being able to fulfill His needs and desires. Add to that the reassurance that He is still physically attracted to me, that He is still pleased and stimulated by my physical appearance, that i still stimulate Him sexually, and am still able to stimulate and fulfill His SM desires.

Anyone can provide Him equally good service. Anyone can provide Him the pleasure He receives in being served. But not just anybody can give Him exactly what i can, what He sees in me that stimulates Him both mentally and sexually. That's my special gift to Him.

Ever since the creatures known as mankind first came into existence, there has been only one characteristic that has remained constant. How we look, how we dress, how we structure every social unit from the single family up to the world society, has undergone a continual evolution. Not even the basics of gender have remained constant. No longer is it just an issue of male versus female. Today we face the ever-growing questions presented by the rapid increase in the number of transgender persons.

Each successive generation has brought with it new ideas, new challenges, new definitions. Advances in the technologies of communication and travel have caused an explosion in the mixing of cultures. It is no longer possible to find a single race or tribe of people who have not been influenced in some way by the technology of some other culture.

Everything that has ever defined mankind, from the individual level to the world society as a whole, has continually undergone, and continues to undergo, change. Change is the only constant that has not changed and there is no reason to believe that it will not be the only constant that will not continue to change in the future.

For the most part we look upon change as being good. By continually changing, we feel that both as individuals and as a society, mankind is growing, progressing, coming ever closer to becoming that ever-elusive "perfect" society. Of course the paradox here is that no one can agree on what that perfect society is. So we continue to change, continue to "grow", so very pleased with ourselves that by doing so we have somehow become better than the generation before us.

But while we continue to strive to change and grow, we also struggle with how to hold on to our past, incorporate the changes brought by the previous generations into our current view of what the world should be. Our history is our roots. It is the place from which our journey through life begins. Our home. Home is a very comfortable place to be. We need desperately to feel secure in that no matter what happens, if the change our generation brings fails to bring improvements but instead only brings increased problems, home will still be there for us.

Our Leather Community is no different. Both individually, and as a community, we are in a great struggle to redefine, restructure and redirect just about everything considered to be a tradition of our culture. But just what are those traditions? Because our written history is so incomplete, no one can definitively say.

We have bits and pieces. A few members left that were part of this or that group which, depending on which part of the present community we identify with, are looked at as being the roots of our culture. But even those few who are left do not always remember those early days the same way. What was an absolute in the early groups on the west coast were not necessarily a part of the absolutes of the early groups from the east coast. What are considered as the basics of the gay community are not consistent with those of the heterosexual community.

So we struggle to somehow define what is traditional. And in that struggle, instead of becoming more cohesive as a community, we become more segmented as each group demands that the other groups accept their idea of what traditional is.

What seems odd to me is that for several years now, we have pushed the concept of celebrating our diversity. Accepting all people into our community regardless of gender, race, sexual preference and especially fetish preference. Yet we find so many frictions occurring between various factions of our community because of those diversities. Celebrating our diversity seems to have somehow become warped into being celebrate our diversity as long as you agree that our way is the standard, the only true and correct way, which everyone should strive to follow.

While the recorded history may be sketchy, information about the modern state of the lifestyle is abundant. Thanks to the Internet, anyone with an opinion on who we are, where we come from, what we stand for or the way we define ourselves and our relationships, can establish themselves as an instant authority on the subject. With so much information available, so many conflicting opinions being easily accessible, it is no wonder that we, as individuals, have such a hard time trying to figure out just where we fit into the picture and how to structure our relationships.

For the most part, there appears to be a growing consensus that there is no one right way. We can pick and choose from the magnitude of opinions, those that make the most sense to us personally, and structure our involvement in the lifestyle and the manner in which we define and conduct our personal relationships, in the way most comfortable for us. If how we choose happens to coincide with the choices made by the majority of the rest of the community, that's great. If not, that's fine too.

It is unfortunate that we have no way of accurately tracking the beginnings and evolutions or our culture. For many of us, there is only emptiness when we look back to catch a glimpse of home before facing the challenges presented by yet another change on the horizon. Not realizing of course, that home is where they are right now. That where they are now is the basis for any changes they may make during their journey through this lifestyle. Not until they become comfortable with where they are today, the definitions they use to describe themselves, the structures upon which they have built their relationships, will they realize they are home.

On the other hand, there are those of us who can look back and see our starting point fading off in the distance as we are taken, sometimes kicking and screaming, further down the road. Forced to change, whether we want to or not, because the way it was no longer exists or is no longer useable. Yet at the same time, desperately holding on to whatever portion of home we can, whatever portion can be incorporated into the new home we have today.

It does not matter which of these two groups--either those who identify with a particular past or those whose beginnings are not clearly defined--you identify with. It does not matter whether you look forward to change in the hope that the rest of society will move closer to your vision of what a perfect society means; or if you feel that society has already changed too much and dread the thought of more changes to come. It doesn't matter if you have defined protocols passed down from a past generation that you choose to honor by continuing their practice, or if you see no reason for establishing, defining or practicing any protocols at all. When it comes to deciding on your where your place in the overall community is, it just doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you respect and honor whatever decision the other individuals of the community have made for themselves.

Personally, I have chosen to follow in the footsteps of my Master, just as He followed the footsteps of His Master, whose background was forged in the ways and protocols established in the early biker communities of the Southeast (U.S.). Those ways and protocols have been incorporated, as best as possible, into the way Sir and i structure our relationship. Changes in society in general, as well as changes in the Leather/SM society, have forced us to alter or amend some of those protocols. Others we have chosen to alter or amend to accommodate our own personalities and life situations.

We do not ask that you follow us, but we do ask that you respect our right to do so. In return, do not expect us to follow you, but we do respect your right to go whatever way you choose.

The other morning, i was doing my normal routine of coffee and the paper, still not quite fully functional (had only gotten through the first half of the pot), when a couple of words from one of the inside page headlines made me do a double take. Wait a minute that didn't really say....? Oh wow, it does!

There, in large bold print, was the headline "Report assesses modern slavery".

My first reaction was disappointment in not being among the slaves that had apparently been questioned about the conditions of their existence. It might have been fun to get interviewed by some government bureaucrat in his standard conservative blue suit. Imagine the fun if he also happened to be a conservative person belonging to some right wing Christian group. Could have been a good time feeding him all the stereotypical bull associated with life as a slave.

i can hear the conversation now:

Oh yes sir, i am just a sex slave, here for sole purpose of being used by my Master at His whim for whatever He desires. Where does He keep me? Master keeps me locked up, naked, in a dog cage down in His basement feeding me His table scraps if there are any. When He wants to, He will grab me by my balls, pull me out of the cage and either take me into His dungeon, where He puts me through all kinds physical tortures for His amusement, or throw me into the sling using my mouth and ass for His sexual pleasure. When He's finally finished with me, He'll clean me off with a golden shower and throw me back in my cage. What's a golden shower? Oh, that's what it's called when someone washes you off by pissing on you.

Hey wait! Come back! Don't run off yet! i didn't get to tell you about how He sometimes rents me out for sex down at the truck stop or .....

Bet i made his day. Wait till he gets home and tells the wife about this one!

i can just imagine what idiotic regulations or controls whichever mindless, government agency conducting this assessment might come up with. Real scary! Imagine what might happen if OSHA was directed to come up with some workplace, or in this case dungeonplace, safety standards for the use of slaves, that all Masters would be held liable for?

I regret to inform you ... is that Master or Mister? Master? Okay then, i regret to inform you Master Jones that your slave is only rated for a twenty pound flogger and I see here that your using a twenty five. I'm afraid were going to have to fine you for that. If that's not been corrected by the next time one of our inspectors drops by, we might not only fine you, but possibly suspend your Master's license for up to six months as well.

I also found that the lighting in your dungeon is not bright enough to allow your slave the required visibility level during play. And, although I cannot prove you have used it, the blindfold hanging in your equipment cabinet, is clearly a violation. Your slave must be permitted proper sight capability of what you are doing to him at all times.

But Mr. Inspector, my slave enjoys it more when he's blindfolded.

Too bad! The regulations clearly state the level of lighting and amount of visibility that must be maintained in any dungeon space. We don't care what he enjoys. It is our job to ensure that these regulations are meet. Now, I also noticed the presence of a great deal of candles. Far more than regulations allow.

But they help create the mode we like when we are playing.

Don't care about that either. The regulations clearly state, only two, six-inch pillar candles are permitted within any ten-foot area of the dungeon. You clearly have more than five or six times that amount. They must be removed immediately. I will only give you a warning for that this time instead of a fine. But if we find it again...

Yeah, I know, you can suspend my Master's license you ignorant son of a......

Careful Master Jones. The use of curse words or derogatory language of any kind, directed at an OSHA inspector, is punishable by a five thousand dollar fine and a minimum of twenty-five whacks with a wooden paddle. Administered of course, within the OSHA guidelines for paddle width and weight, whack force, and whack interval frequency.

Along with the infractions that I have already pointed out to you Master Jones, I found quite a long list of other minor infractions that we expect you to correct before we come back for a follow-up inspection. However, since these regulations are fairly new, as we have only been regulating and inspecting dungeons since the government report assessing modern slavery was released, about three months ago, I am only going to issue you the one fine for the overweight flogger this time. Just make sure you get all of these other matters taken care of or you may find your....

Yeah, yeah, I know. I may find my Master's license, which you so kindly brought the application forms for me today, suspended for a minimum of six months.

That would be six months for each infraction Master Jones.

Say what? This is getting ridiculous!!

Now, now, Master Jones. You know, it is the government's obligation to its citizens, to ensure that they have safe and sanitary working, or in this case servicing, conditions. And even though you have many years experience in what it is you do here, and feel that, depending on the interpretation, our restrictions could possibly limit you and your slave from playing as hard in some of the SM arenas as you currently do, or possibly like to do at some point in the future, we feel it is essential, that the maximum allowable limits that we establish, be such, that they would protect someone who is brand new to this type of activity from being injured. We take that responsibility very seriously.

Too seriously if you ask me.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but it doesn't really matter what you think now does it, Master Jones?

Good day Master Jones, and oh, by the way, here is your free set of the five books containing all two hundred and fifty five thousand enforceable regulations, as well as the set of five books, containing the close to one hundred and seventy five guidelines, which we feel are necessary to ensure everyone's safety. They will probably become regulations over the next couple years.

I'm sure that you will find these books very helpful as you totally redesign your dungeon space in order to comply with all of our standards. As I said, this set is free. Future editions for any revisions of the existing regulations or additions of new ones, we expect will probably run about $1000 per set. That's just to cover the cost of printing.

Maybe if you cut out a few thousand of these stupid regulations, they wouldn't be so damned thick and cost so much to print.

Very amusing Master Jones. By the way, please inform your slave that he was personally responsible for the breakdown suffered by our interviewer, Mr. Williams, who talked with him as part of the assessment of the slavery issue a few months back. Seems the poor man was so traumatized by what your slave told him in regards to his living conditions, that he was babbling incoherently about having been to the devil's breading grounds, or something like that, and had to be given an extended medical leave of absence.

I'll be sure to reward the boy, I mean punish the boy, for that. Good-bye, inspector.

As my mind wandered back into reality and i actually read the article, i was relieved that it had nothing to do with us at all. It was actually about a CIA report on the estimated 50,000 immigrant women and children, who are brought into the United States each year from Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe, for the purpose of forced work as prostitutes, servants, or laborers in abusive, sweatshop style businesses. A deplorable situation that defies control, due to the extensive difficulties law enforcement agencies face when investigating and prosecuting such cases.

It is an extremely sad situation that such practices still exists and that there seems to be no real solution or available means to prevent it. It's even sadder to realize that there are people out there with such little regard for the lives of others. Everyday, we read or hear about brutal murders, rapes and any number of other types of violent actions, randomly directed at whoever happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time, that day.

Sitting at home, feeling safe and secure, protected by the walls of the rooms and the locks on the doors, it's easy to ignore the realities of the outside world. We can't control the extent of the dangers hidden within society in general. But we can control those within our lifestyle communities.

Be careful in selecting whom you play with and where you play. When arranging to meet a play partner of the first time, make the meeting place somewhere public. Get to know them before going somewhere private to play. Let someone else know where you are going, the name of the person you are with, and arrange to call them periodically during the time your going to be with this person, to let them know you are alright

Ever get the feeling that you're the only one out there who just doesn't get it? You hear other subs talking about being in another world, feeling like they're floating or having out of body experiences. That they don't feel the pain because the sting of the first few hits cause them to transcend to some never never land, totally submersed in a wonderful headspace.

You try and try. Concentrating on absorbing each blow of the whip. Trying to process the sting so it will carry you away. You're relaxed, fully trusting in the skill of the one at the other end of the whip. You know them well. There is no concern for your safety. Everything is perfect. Yet all you feel is pain. Your body tenses, your breathing becomes deeper, faster. Your pushing yourself to take all they can give and still be ready for more. You feel each blow, and each blow becomes more of a challenge, a challenge you willing accept. Yet you're still right there. Not floating. Not off in nirvana. Right there.

The blows finally stop. Your body relaxes. You feel a sense of pride in having taken it all. Of having resisted the urge to yell the safe word, instead, pushing yourself to accept more, expanding your pain threshold, pushing your limits. Pride in not quitting, in not disappointing the one on that other end of the whip. You gave them what they wanted, and in return, got what you needed. You enjoyed every minute of it, maybe even had one of the best scenes you've ever had. Your head is racing, your body is exhausted, you feel absolutely euphoric. But still you feel something is missing, something must be wrong with you. You didn't fly.

We have been so conditioned into thinking that the whole theory behind the concept of deriving pleasure from pain is based on somehow being able to mentally process the physical reality to produce an altered state of mind. A sort of hypnotic state that comes when the endorphins being produced by the brain take over and your mind convinces your body that what it feels isn't real. So obviously, since your feeling the pain, feeling each increase in intensity, there must be something that you either haven't been able to learn how to do, or are not capable of doing. Something must be wrong with you.

For a long time i felt the same way, and in a sense, was jealous of those who claimed to be able to reach that state of flying. Everybody i talked to seemed to be able to. Everything i read said i should be able to. i could not understand why i wasn't able to get there also. The only reason i could think of was that i hadn't found the right person that i trusted completely enough, to let myself go. That worked for a while, but when i did meet that someone, and still was unable to reach that flying headspace, i really began to worry.

Then i finally realized it wasn't a matter of something being wrong with me, or that something was missing. It was just that i approached getting whipped from a different viewpoint. Instead of trying to process the pain in order not to feel it, i see it as a physical challenge. i enjoy feeling and taking each blow. i enjoy pushing my body to accept more. Maybe i don't fly during the scene the way some do, but i sure do enjoy what is happening just the same. And i know that as soon as the whipping stops, as soon as i realize the scene is winding down, that i have passed the test and given my partner what they wanted, that's when my flight takes off. That's when i give into the adrenaline rush and let the endorphins take over. Talk about flying!

i've also discovered along the way, that there are a lot of Dominants who prefer a submissive who doesn't go off into that never never land headspace. They like to watch the sub's muscles reacting to each hit. Part of their enjoyment is in knowing that the sub is right there with them, working for them and with them. Doing their best to fulfill their duty of service, making sure that the Dominant is satisfied before allowing themselves enjoyment. A sub who goes off into space can't give them the type of reactions they are looking for. Might as well be flogging a brick wall. There is no connection, no exchange of energy, no sharing of the experience. After the scene, the sub may be totally satisfied, may have even been the best scene they have ever had. But the Dominant walks away feeling like all they got was a physical workout.

There are some areas of play, such as wax, bondage or temporary piercings, that do not consist of as intense a level of pain, where i do fly right from the beginning. But to consider myself somehow less capable as a sub because i don't react that way to the whip, No Way! i've stopped thinking that there is something wrong with me. i'd rather be there, feeling, pushing, connecting, sharing. That's what i enjoy. That's what makes me fly. Maybe it's the others who really don't get it.

Last month i asked you to take a good look at yourself and evaluate the type of image you portray. i asked you to not only evaluate yourself physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

How many of you made it through all the questions? How many of you decided about halfway through that this was getting much more serious about the lifestyle than you were interested in being? How many thought that it was all well and good if you lived where there was an established group who still followed the "Old Guard" ways and would recognize all that stuff, but your community isn't like that, so why bother? What if you're female, or interested in some other protocol style? How does all that relate to me?

Basically, the questions had nothing to do with Old Guard, male, female, gay, straight or any other label you want to use. It has to do with being a submissive and being the best submissive you can be.

Being submissive isn't something you turn off and on like a light bulb. It is a very basic, driving force of your personality. It is something to be nurtured and refined. It requires constant feeding, evaluation and growth. But before any of that can happen, there is one decision you must make. You must decide that being a submissive is who you are and what you want to be.

For some of you, that may not be an easy decision to make. After all, submissives are second-class citizens, with no minds of their own, having to be told what to do and when to do it. They are nothing but little sex toys, to be used and then tossed away when the Dominant tires of them. Right? Absolutely not!

It takes intelligence to be a submissive. Someone who can motivate themselves to see what needs to be done and to do it. As i mentioned last month, a good submissive will know everything there is to know about their Dominant. Their wants, their needs, their likes and dislikes. They will know what their Dominant wants or needs, sometimes even before the Dominant realizes it him or herself. A mindless person could never do that.

It takes a caring person to be a submissive. Someone whose basic desire is to make the person they are with happy. To make them feel like they are the most important person on the face of the earth. Can a mindless person do that? Not hardly.

It takes a person who can constantly challenge a Dominant to continue their education in the various fetishes. To be willing and eager to try new types of play. To expand the limits or intensity of the areas they are already familiar with so that play doesn't become boring or routine for them or their Dominant. A simple sex toy could never do that.

Second-class citizen? Not to a Dominant who knows the value, appreciates the gift, and cherishes the special gift that only a submissive can give. For what a submissive has to offer is just that. A gift. The most precious gift anyone can give. The gift of themselves.

It takes a very special person to give that gift. It takes a very special person to be a submissive. i take great pride in who i am and what i have to offer. i take great pride in knowing that i was able to find a Master who appreciates my gifts, and encourages me to grow, not only as a submissive, but as a person as well. i'm proud to be a submissive and you should be too.

So, ready to make that decision? Then go back and look at the questions from last month again. And remember, if you don't take pride in yourself, why should anyone else take pride in you?

Happy New Year, Happy New Century and Happy Millennium--or not, depending on your point of view. Glad to see that the Y2K bug didn't get you.

i'm not really fond of New Year's, other than that it's a paid holiday from work. There is just too much pressure associated with it. Everybody going around asking "what's your New Year's resolution this year?" or "have you made your New Year's resolutions yet?" No, and i don't intend to. Go ahead, call me a lazy jerk. i prefer to look at it more like: i don't need to, but obviously you think you do. Okay, so maybe that is a little arrogant, but all this resolution stuff gets me cranky.

Actually, making resolutions can be a positive step in self- improvement, and there is always room for improvement. Truth is, i don't think i ever made a New Year's resolution that lasted more than a week anyway. It doesn't take long to realize that becoming Supreme Ruler of the World is probably not very realistic, at least not in a year's time.

However, i have come up with the perfect way to get around all that non-consensual resolution pressure. i just say that i'm still working on it and will let them know as soon as i have decided. Then i wait about three weeks before going back and asking them how they're doing with the resolutions they made. By then they have broken all of theirs, so i'm off the hook.

But since this is sort of a special New Year's, with it being a new century and again, depending on your point of view, a New Millennium or not, perhaps making a serious attempt at making and keeping just one resolution, would be a fitting commemorative to the year 2000.

Why not make this the year you get serious about developing your submissive tendencies to their fullest degree and presenting yourself in a way that lets a Dominant know that you are serious about, and take pride in, being a submissive?

How long have you been sitting around wishing that you could find that one Dominant who inspired you. Who, in every one of Their thoughts, words and deeds, shows you how much your service, your submission, and you as a person mean to them? How many cyber-Doms have you gone through without finding a single one who had any clue as to what this lifestyle is really about? How many times--and to make it easy, just in the past year--have you asked the question, "where are all the good Tops?" Well, They're out there, asking, "where are all the good submissives?" Kind of ironic isn't it?

So let's get started. First, as corny as it may sound, stand in front of a mirror and take a good look at yourself. Can you look yourself straight in the eye and say that you are happy with who you are? If the person in the mirror was someone else, would they be someone you would be proud to call your friend, or someone you would avoid? If you were dominant, is the person in the mirror someone who has the maturity, self assurance, willingness and ability to provide you with the type of service and submission you desire, or are they so needy that they require constant reassurance, direction and correction?

Now step back, strip off anything you have on that isn't permanently attached, and take another look at yourself. Take a good look.

Are you pleased, or at least satisfied, with your appearance? Are you comfortable enough with the controllable features of your appearance that you could present yourself, naked, unembarrassed, to a Dom? It's not important that you're not some totally buff, Charles Atlas. Most experienced Dams are more interested in the mental than the physical. But, you owe it to yourself if to no one else, to maintain your physical condition at a level where you are not placing yourself in danger of developing medical problems.

Let's look a little closer. Do you present a neat, well- groomed appearance or do you look disheveled or sloppy? Are your finger and toe nails neatly trimmed and clean? Does your hair look in constant need of combing or trimming? Does it look clean and natural, or overly styled or moussed? If you have facial hair, does it enhance or distract from your natural features? If you have a beard is it full and neatly trimmed or does it look sparse and straggly, like you're still trying to grow it even though it's been there for years?

How about your pubes and body hair? Is your body hair the type that adds interest, dimension or form to your body? Or is it patchy or sparse, giving you the resemblance of a scruffy, mongrel mutt? Unless of course, you identify as a scruffy mongrel, would keeping part, or all of it, shaved or trimmed, present a better appearance? Are your pubics hiding or obstructing your assets from full view or do they help show them off?

All right. You've admired yourself in that mirror long enough. Everything good so far?--or did you find a few areas that may need a little work? Part of a submissive's job is to make their Dominant look good. Things like keeping Them informed of events in the community, or making sure They get to scheduled appointments on time are certainly part of this responsibility. But also, making sure you present yourself in the best fashion by looking your best and efficiently performing the duties of service, are equally important. If you look a mess, how does that reflect on your Dom? Not very well.

If you're not in service but are looking to be, what image of your service are you projecting to any potential Dominant if your personal appearance is sloppy? If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of Them?

That's the outer you. Now let's talk about the inner you.

Being a submissive in a BDSM relationship is not the way to resolve self esteem issues, and more importantly, it is not a way to avoid facing them. Knowledgeable Dominants do not want submissives who are doormats or who consider themselves worthless. They want someone who can stay three steps ahead of Them, knowing what They need and having it ready for Them before They even realize They need it. In other words, someone with intelligence, and the ability to use that intelligence, requiring only minimal direction. A caring, loving, devoted partner, who takes pleasure and pride in knowing Their needs and how to fulfill them.

You can't do that if you have issues concerning your own self worth. Your Dominant may be able to provide valuable assistance in your efforts to overcome a low self-image, but you have to be the one who wants to make it happen. No one else, including the most skilled Dominant known to man, can do it for you or give you the incentive to start doing it for yourself. You need to feel good about yourself, confident in your abilities and comfortable with the person you are before you try giving yourself in service to another.

Once you're at a point where you feel good about both your inner and outer self, ready to renew your search for that for that special person to serve, it's time to take a look at how you are presenting yourself in public.

Think back about the last few times you went to a leather bar or event. What did you wear? Did it help identify you as a boy? Did it comply with the commonly accepted protocols of your community or the rules of the traditional protocol style (i.e., Old Guard, Victorian, Gorean, etc.) that you identify with? Do you know what those traditional or local protocols are, or if any such rules actually exist? If you don't know, find out.

There are a variety of books available that discuss expected submissive behavior, and there are most likely a number of members within your local community who know the traditional and local variations of appropriate boy attire. Got an on-line list group in your area? Try asking them. But here are some basic guidelines.

First, does what you normally wear to your local leather bar, make you look like a twinky who was on his way to the vanilla disco but wandered into the leather bar by mistake? Or is it something that would be more typical of traditional boy attire such as a white T-shirt or ribbed tank top, 501 jeans or military style camouflage pants and military style boots? Were they form fitting or oversized and baggy?

If you wear leather is it also plain and simple? Free of excessive stud or chrome work? Was your arm band on your right or left? Did you flag a hanky code in your right pocket but then hang your keys in your left? Was the hanky color one that would indicate your preference and/or intensity level for SM play beyond being a bottom in sex? It wasn't orange was it? Hopefully you didn't do something really stupid like wear your own collar, wrist restraints, arm bands on both arms or tennis shoes with chaps. Did your leather fit well as if tailored made or was it loose or poorly fitted as if you just bought it off the rack on your way to the bar? Was it clean and polished? Were your boots shined?

What about your demeanor? Did you act in a way that would cause you to be viewed unfavorably or that caused embarrassment? If you had been with a Dominant would it have caused embarrassment for Him? Were you loud and vociferous? Did you appear intoxicated or stoned? Did you try to be the center of attention? Do you obviously cruise anyone you perceive may possibly be a Dominant, Dom wannabee, or at least a Top sexually?

If someone was to observe you over the course of an evening, would they get the impression that your main interest is just getting your want of play or sex filled? Would they get that impression because you're the kind that dresses and behaves appropriately, respectfully approaches a perceived Dominant and waiting to be recognized? Are you fast at lighting His cigarettes, pouring out a flood of "yes Sirs" and "no Sirs" while laying on sugary thick, a childish little boy act complete with the cutest, shy little smile you can muster, until you think you have Him appropriately impressed to the point where you can inquire about the possibility of play or just sex? If that one refuses, do you immediately run off to the next Dom, continuing that pattern until you finally get one to say yes?

Have you answered yes to most of these questions but are still wondering why you can't find a good Dominant?

Being a submissive for play or sex is one thing. They are a dime a dozen. Since getting their needs satisfied is their main objective, anyone who can provide any portion of that need, however minute or superficial, will do, if that's all that is available. Whether or not they play with a knowledgeable, respected Dominant, whose involvement in the SM community is a lifestyle choice which influences every aspect of His life, is not their most important consideration when choosing a play partner. He's a top, has a dick, is available, he'll do. Didn't find a top he was interested in that was also interested in him that night? No biggie. There's another bottom there in the same situation, who will be just as happy going with him as anybody else, and they can switch back and forth, taking turns topping each other, and be fully satisfied for that night at least.

Since those kind always seem to find someone to play with, it can give the impression that they must be some sort of great submissive in high demand. It can be frustrating, seeing them time after time, hooking up with what looks like a multitude of leather Dominants, while time after time, you go home alone after only being approached by the two obnoxious drunks sitting at the bar, who kept grabbing your ass every time they got near enough, and trying to get you to give them a blow job.

What you didn't notice is that a couple of those lifestyle Dominants did find some interesting partners that night. They were the guys you may not have particularly noticed. Not necessarily the best built or best-looking. Obviously, it had been a good while since they had seen their early twenties, but they didn't try to pretend they were still there mentally by flashing cutesie little boy smiles. Not interested in merely settling for whatever play they could get, especially if it meant just having sex with someone who calls themselves a leather dominant because they own a pair of chaps and a leather vest, they politely declined the advances of the wannabees.

They were plainly dressed in T-shirts and jeans, standing off to the side of the room, posture erect, hands behind their back. Their stance indicated the confidence and pride attained from the level of service they knew they were able to provide. They didn't bother joining in the endless parade of bodies continually circling the bar, but waited patiently, carefully watching, hoping to catch a signal from a Dom indicating His interest and permission to be approached. By their appearance and behavior, they showed themselves to be experienced, knowledgeable submissives in and out of the dungeon. That's what got them noticed. That's what attracts experienced, knowledgeable Dominants.

Where are all the good Dominants? They're off with the good submissives. It could be you if you take the time to learn just exactly what it means, and how to present yourself in a way to get you noticed by the type of Dominant you seek.

It's a new year, a new century. Time to get started.