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Archivist: Ketzele, devoted slave of Will Brame
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-Craig- 2001-01-29 13:47 |
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Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Dave asks, "John what are you so happy about?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat,
just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave,
tits out to here! She says ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ I said
‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave. I
turned off the key and I said ‘Its either screw or swim!’ She couldnt
swim, Dave, she couldn’t swim!!" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blonde came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She said ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ ‘Sure,’ I say, ‘you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said ‘Its either screw or swim!’ She couldnt swim!!, Dave, she couldnt swim!!!!" A couple of days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying into his beer. Dave asks "John, what are you so sad about?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Dave, tits WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ ‘Sure,’ I say, ‘you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out...much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said ‘Its either screw or swim!!’ She pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Dave!!! She had a great BIG DICK!!! "Dave, I CAN'T SWIM!!!" |
| alfafemm 2001-02-11 09:07 |
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Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome late one afternoon. It starts getting dark and the two nuns are getting a little nervous. One leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before." The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones." |
| alfafemm 2001-02-11 09:11 |
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A Sunday school teacher asked the class which part they thought went to heaven first. All the kids raised their hands. "Ok, James ...which part do you think?" James replied, "Your heart ... you love with your heart and you love God ... so that is the part that goes first." "Good answer", said the teacher, "Susie, what do you think?" Susie answered, "Your head ... that is where you think about God and can speak to him with your brain. ... so that is the first part that goes to heaven." "That is also true," said the teacher, as she noticed Johnny shaking his head. "Johnny, what do you think?" Johnny looked up and answered, "It is your feet." "Why do you think that, Johnny?", she asked. "I went into my parents bedroom and my mother's feet were pointed at the ceiling and she was screaming "God, I'm coming ... God, I'm coming" and I think she would have gone, but my dad was holding her down." |
| drksidepet 2001-02-20 11:54 |
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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to..." Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one everytime. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know !!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh ...equipment ?". "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ?...Madam?...Good Lord, she's fainted !!" |
| -Craig- 2001-02-21 13:14 |
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The Scotsman who worked at the adult store had to see the dentist, so he had his friend Bob cover for him while he was gone. "Everything has the price clearly marked on it," he told his friend. After explaining how to work the cash register, he departed, vowing to return in an hour. An hour later, he returns and asks Bob how things went. "I did $120 in sales," said Bob. "Wow," replies Angus. "What did you sell?" "A lady came in and asked for a dildo," explained Bob. "She looked behind the counter and asked to see the big black one. So I sold it to her for the price marked -- $20." "Great," says Angus. "Another lady came in and she also asked for a dildo," continued Bob. "She looked behind the counter and asked to see the big pink one. So I sold it to her for the price marked -- $20." "Great," says Angus. "Then another lady came in for a dildo," said Bob. "She looked behind the counter and asked to see the big tartan one." "We don't have any tartan dildos," remarked Angus, somewhat confused. "I know," Bob replied. "But I got $100 for your Thermos." |
| Thorn4MyRose 2001-02-21 17:57 |
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From: The stall wall of a Texaco Restroom in Chillicothe (because I'm sure not taking credit for it) A small group of dominant ladies were getting together for their usual Friday evening munch. One of the ladies, who preferred a military style of dominance, decided to bring her new, freshly trained boy toy and show him off to her friends. The other ladies gathered around as the dominatrix boasted of her latest achievement: A Precision Penis. With that, she directed her slave to remove his pants and demonstrate for the audience. The slave obediently stripped off his trousers to the immediate giggles of the small crowd. "Yes, yes, girls," the dominatrix proclaimed, "It's ALMOST a penis, I know. But you're missing the point. Watch this." She stepped back, standing rigidly straight, and barked out the military command, "Attennnnn-Shun!" To everyone's amazement, the flaccid member immediately popped straight outward, becoming perfectly erect in a split second. Seeing that she had certainly gained the admiration of her peers, the dominatrix then wowed them further as she commanded, "At ease." The slave's rock hard pole immediately returned to it's resting state without so much as a disobedient throb. "AMAZING!" the ladies shouted. "Do it again, do it again!" The dominatrix, happy to oblige, repeated the commands nine more times in succession, all with precisely the same results and each time to the increasingly impressed applause of the group. When she barked out the command for the tenth time, though, nothing happened. A sudden hush fell over the room. An extremely worried look appeared on the slave's face as the dominatrix once again issued the command, louder this time. Still nothing. Once more, she barked out the directive, only now there was clearly a disturbed tone to her voice. Again, nothing. The slave, sensing immediate punishment, bolted quickly into the nearest room, slamming the door behind him in real fear. With fire in her eyes, the dominatrix took off in hot pursuit, followed by her feminist posse. The door never stood a chance as the sole of her right boot connected with it. As the door flew open, the group suddenly stopped dead in their tracks. Inside the room before them stood the slave, feverishly masturbating as though his life depended on it. "What the hell are you doing????" the dominatrix demanded. The slave, hoping to divert blame, looked up without so much as missing a stroke and meekly proclaimed, "It disobeyed a direct order, Ma'am. I'm therefore giving it a dishonorable discharge." (ba da bump) |
| SteelSkys 2001-03-15 18:45 |
| On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Jenny went straight over to visit her grandmother. When she asked how her grandpa had died, her granny explained, "He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning." Horrified, Jenny suggested that screwing at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble. "Oh no," her granny replied, "we had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells - in with the dings and out with the dongs." She paused, and wiped away a tear. "If it wasn't for that damn ice cream truck going past, he'd still be alive. |
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Dr. Gloria Glickstein Brame
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